Only Perceptible

Without him

Next morning she woke with the sounds of chirping birds and distant human voices, and strong light beamed in her face. And she realized she was lying in her balcony.
She got up and walked inside her room, but today she didn't feel like attending her classes. She's distressed. And most of all, she felt light, but she didn't like this lightness.
When flashbacks of past night came, she didn't felt a thing, apart from a slight pang in her heart, she felt unnerved. Maybe it's her mind that shuts off in day time and rises her guard but at night all her courage and strength shatters, when she is alone.
And she decided not to attend today's lectures at all. She get dressed and went to breakfast table, where all her family was already seated. She greeted everyone and sat on her seat. And silence befalls upon the table. It would have made her suspicious and curious but she was feeling nothing today, didn't even notice no one's speaking at the table. Her mother every now and then would encourage her to eat more and when she felt her hunger dissipate, she got up and left for her room, too occupied to even notice no one said a thing to her. Was it, that her family heard her agonized screams last night?
But at this moment, she couldn't care less. Today nothing made her feel anything. And her mind was blank. She felt like a walking dead. Her face forlorn and as if she's somewhere distant and not in the moment- so hopeless and broken.
The whole day went by, and she only came out of her room when her mother called her for lunch. It broke her mother's heart everytime, seeing the melancholic expression on her daughter's face.
She didn't utter a single word whole day. The sun set and the moon rose, shining brightly in all it's glory. She watched it rise from her balcony and them saw it set, as the sun shines brighter than it, hiding its very presence. The night turned into day.
It was time again for her classes, and this time she attended. She dressed and went for break fast. And her chauffeur took her to her lectures.
Was this what she asked for, when she said she wanted peace! Is it what peace feels like - nothing. A vehement feeling of emptiness - an unreasoning feeling of nothingness.
She attended her lectures and took notes from each one. And returned home instantly after classes were over, despite the routine of hanging out at cafe with friends after every class.
Maybe this is what a routine is! And maybe she is getting along life very fine, for she is attending her lessons and taking notes and avoiding unnecessary things in life. She's now living a moderate life.
After returning home, she helped her mother cook, which was shocking as she never liked cooking. She set the table and invited everyone for dinner. Every one was shocked nonetheless they were happy. For she was getting along in life despite anything.
Is it acceptable to perceive one is doing fine in life, despite the clear signs that they are not! Just because one is doing the things they were supposed to do- the acts approved by society and not one's feelings and emotions?! But this is how the society works.
So her parents didn't take heed of her breaking soul, for she was doing perfectly what she should do. She was completing her assigned tasks and responsibilities. And that was it all. They were happy, that she was fine.
Days went by, in an agonisingly low pace. Winter was over. And spring coloured the surrounding in astounding colours and fragrance. And now the Summer was about to end. Every one was happy, except one. Her graduation was some weeks apart. She successfully attended her lessons, and scored highest in her class, and made her parents absolutely proud of herself.
For months, she has been living without emotions, without a soul, without him. Sometimes when her memories take her back to all the happenings in past, she only felt a pang in her heart, and when she ever wanted to cry no tears would fall. And her mind only wonders who was he, where is he!