Sugar Sweet Sin

Aftermath

Mama Pat is my savior. She picks me up from Dante's house, and I don't think I've ever been happier to have a mama hen in my entire life.

The moment I slide into her car she looks me up and down. "Need to talk about it, honey?"

I shake my head. If I say a word about Dante, I'll lose my carefully maintained self-control, and I'm barely holding myself together as it is.

"Thank you for coming to get me," I tell her. "Normally I'd have called Jack, but he and I aren't exactly on good terms right now."

"You know I'm always here for you, my dear."

I do know. Mama Pat's been the closest thing I've had to a mother since my own died, and something about the way she's looking at me now—with compassion and understanding—softens me. I need a friend, a mom, right now.

"I'm an idiot," I say, leaning my head against the car window. "I should have known I wasn't strong enough to handle this. I knew I was being stupid and emotional... but I let myself fall right back into his arms."

"Don't be too hard on yourself," Mama Pat says.

I let my eyes fall closed. My head and chest feel heavy, like I should be sobbing—but I must have finally reached a breaking point because the tears don't come.

"I don't know what I'm doing," I tell her. "Part of me knows I'm in way over my head, and the other part thinks I'm overreacting. And I don't know which part to listen to. It's all a mess. I've screwed up everything. Everything was going so well for me before he came back into my life—I had a business I loved, good friends, a life I enjoyed. Now I've had to close my bakery and my best friend is mad at me and I feel like I've lost control of everything. I've been so stupid."

Mama Pat is silent for a long moment. And then, "Love does strange things to people. If it doesn't turn your life completely upside down, then it's probably not love."

"Maybe some people just aren't equipped to deal with it," I say, opening my eyes.

"No one is, honey."

Another time, I might have smiled. But it's hard to get my lips to move when my insides are in such a jumble. I press my fingers against the glass of the window, lining them up with a set of smudgy prints someone left there. In my mind I can still see Dante's eyes, still hear the intensity of his voice. I'm not strong enough for this. For him.

"He had a bunch of notes about me," I say softly. "Or—not me, exactly. But a character based on me. She had all of my baggage." I flatten my palm against the glass. "I know it sounds silly and petty, but when I saw all of those things written down... God, it just felt like someone had reached inside of me and ripped my heart out. I knew that dating Dante came with its own set of complications, but I just thought... He's the only man I've ever loved, Mama Pat. In a twisted way I thought we were living our own little fairy tale. I thought the man who loved me was supposed to accept all of my issues. Not expose them to the world to further his career. He said he was going to protect me, but who's going to protect me from him? I feel so... so bare around him. And he was willing to show that to the world." I let out a long breath. "God, this all sounds so ridiculous when I say it out loud. I'm sorry."

"First of all," Mama Pat says, "don't you ever apologize for how you feel. There's no shame in emotions." She glances over at me. "Some people spend most of their lives hiding their emotions. Or burying them down so deep that even they don't recognize what they're feeling. If something in this life makes you feel something, let it. Don't judge yourself for it."

"Even when it makes things worse?" Even when others judge you for it?

"Ashlyn, dear, I'm pretty sure I only know half the story, but from where I'm sitting, you've had a very overwhelming couple of weeks. And you've spent the last few years working your butt off, pouring your heart and soul into the bakeshop and never giving yourself a chance to breathe. Take a few days and get some rest. You'll think clearer when you've given yourself a little break."