After Goodbye

Chapter 6

Patricia's POV

It's been two weeks now. Two incredibly long weeks.

And today I will put my daughter in the ground.

I dress slowly. Everything happens slowly with my lack of sleep. The simple black dress is one I thought I would never wear again. The same one I wore for my husband's funeral two years ago.

"Jordyn, wake up for Mommy." I rouse the toddler from her sleep and she smiles up at me. I can barely manage to quirk my lips up for her.

"Sissy?" Pain shoots through my chest at the reminder. Every day she's asked for a sister that will never come back.

"No, honey," I brush her bed head back off of her forehead. "Let's get dressed." I sit her on the counter so she can brush her teeth, something she's insisted on doing on her own for the last month. While she's working away at the plaque, I apply a little makeup. Just enough to make it look like I'm still alive.

"Done." She smiles wide showing all of her tiny teeth for me to check.

"Good job." I wipe her face of the blue paste and help her down. She pulls the little black dress over her head. It's got a bow around her waist that I compliment by pulling her hair back into a low ponytail with one.

"Sparkle shoes?"

"Not today." I help her feet into flats. She pouts at my choice, but doesn't fight me. She curls a piece of my wavy hair around her finger.

"Pretty."

"Thank you." I leave her to play while I check on Nathan and Victoria. Tori is dressed and fixing her hair. I can't check to see what she looks like because she's in her room and it hurts to much to even look inside.

Nathan is fiddling with a tie that is hanging from his neck. Otherwise he has dress pants and a shirt on with a suit coat.

"Do I have to wear a tie? I don't think Z would mind if I didn't," He catches my eye in the mirror and can see the hurt in my expression. "I'm not wearing one." Jess adjusts his collar, leaning her head on his shoulder.

"Be ready soon. We have to get to the church." I'm turning away when Nathan catches my wrist and hauls me to his chest.

"We'll be okay, Mom." I sink into my son. More than grateful to have him. I remember the gangly fifteen year old boy that took over as head of the household when my husband passed and compare him to the man I see him as now. He's had to mature quickly, but he takes it in stride.

"I know. I know we will be." Victoria opening her door is what brings us apart. Her dress is similar to mine, but her hair is pulled back in a severe bun at the back of her head. She's done her best to cover the bags under her eyes like I have, but I can still make out the highlight of sleepless nights.

"Jordyn." I don't have to raise my voice very much for her to hear me. A few strands of hair have made their way out of her ribbon and I take a moment to fix it before holding her hand down the stairs.

The ride to the church is somber. Nate and Jess talk in hush whispers in the back seat with Jordyn. Victoria stares out the window, deep in thought. I try to think of a topic to start a conversation with her, but nothing seems appropriate. Instead I turn the dial on the radio up a notch to drown out her deafening silence.

There are few other cars outside of the church and I take one of the front spots. I retrieve Jordyn from her car seat and follow my children inside.

"Down!" I hold Jor tighter on my hip, refusing to let her go in such a strange place. "Mommmy!" She's flailing her legs around and I barely manage to keep her in my right arm.