Space Johnny

Something Two Me

The S.S. Johnny's Pirate Ship arrived at its destination, just as RC had finished taking a bath in hot oil. Johnny, who's pompadour was extra pompadour-y now because he had used industrial strength hair spray that could kill a child, grabbed Toots and RC and ran out of the ship. Just outside of the ship was a building floating on a gold spray painted rock nigga. On the building was a huge sign that read Hoe Registration Station. Johnny burst down the door and ran up to the counter with Toots and RC close behind.

"Welcome to the Hoe Registration Station where our motto is 'Find a hoe, get some dough.' How can we help you today?" said the man at the counter. "Listen, we're about to become the greatest Hoe Hunters you've ever seen, so you might as well give us all of your money now." said Johnny, rubbing his fingers together. "Is that so?" said the man at the counter. "Statistically, it is only logical." said RC while peeling a random person's toenails.

"You really think you could be better than ME?!" said the man, ripping off his boring clothes to reveal that he was actually Upgrayedd. "Listen, dudes. Upgrayedd is, like, the best pimp in the galaxy. He's got two D's in his name just because he's got a double dose of pimpin'." said Toots. "This guy could be a literal hoe magnet and we'd still get better than him." said Johnny. "My sensors indicate that he is, in fact, a literal hoe magnet." said RC. Just then, a hoe flew through a wall right next to Upgrayedd, and he took her into his hoe hole.

Upgrayedd came back up and looked Johnny right in the sunglasses. "Listen, bub. I don't know who you are, and ain't nobody a better hoe finder than me, but I like your style. How's about you go to this location and find a particular hoe, and I'll even pay you extra for it?" said Upgrayedd, handing Johnny a card with galactic coordinates and an image on it. Johnny swooced the card from Upgrayedd, smirking like an edgy anime character. "This is gonna be as easy as taking candy from a dead baby." said Johnny, grabbing RC and Toots again and running back to the ship.

"RC take us to these coordinates!" said Johnny pointing to some random phone number he got from a girl. "Uh Johnny we have no fuel, that's why we need the money in the first place." said RC. "Alright then looks like we're going to have to do things the old fashioned way." said Johnny as he got out of the ship and began to push it.

"Wait Johnny how are you-" said RC before getting interrupted. "We've already been over this, plus there's no way muscles like these are getting crushed by a vacuum." said Johnny while posing vigorously vigorously. RC then also started pushing the ship. "But what about me?" Said Toots. "Here." Said RC, giving him an airhead. Johnny then used all his meaty muscles to push the ship to the planet. RC proceeded to steer the ship towards the coordinates while Johnny pushed it forward. Eventually they had arrived at the planet.

"Well here we are... Plant... Sha Een" said Johnny, attempting to read a humongous sign. "It's 'Planet Sheen' Johnny." said RC. "What did you say? Plaid Sheesh?" said Toots. "Nah, he said Grand Jeans." said Johnny. "Crab Feet?" said Toots. "Chad Heat." said Johnny. "Ad Block?" said Toots. "Rad Shark." said Johnny.