I dont wanan celebrate my brithday

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So on my 18th birthday I vowed to not to celebrate anymore birthdays. The following year came and I didn't, now on my 20th birthday I didn't but I bought a cake for my cousin and showed up to his house with it. Little did I know that my aunt had a cake for me secretly, don't get me wrong I was grateful for my aunt getting me a cake but to be completely honest I felt forced to celebrate my birthday and the fact that she still got a cake after I told her I didn't want to celebrate it I didn't like it. At this moment they are planning to throw a party for me and my cousin and I completely don't want to show my face. I feel like I'm being forced to celebrate my birthday I DON'T WANT TO CELEBRATE MY BIRTHDAY ANYMORE I VOWED ON MY 18th birthday not to anymore. Like even though I'm physically going to be there emotionally and mentally I won't be

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