I Just Want You to Love Me || Jinkook

12. Do you love me?

Jin felt Jungkook's eyes on his back all the time. Maybe Jungkook had always been staring at him like that without Jin noticing? No matter what they were doing; eating, playing games, sitting in meetings, watching TV, singing practice... he always felt Jungkook sneaking glances at him. Sometimes Jin met his gaze to which Jungkook flashed him a dashing smile. Every time Jin couldn't help but to quickly look away. 

He didn't know what came over him the day when Jungkook walked in on him, but he did know that it probably sent Jungkook the wrong message. He didn't want Jungkook to think he liked him that way because... he wasn't sure if he actually did. Sure, his heart fluttered whenever Jungkook smiled at him. Sure, he very much enjoyed doing sexual things with him. Sure, he thought about Jungkook almost every free second of the day, but there were still so many things he wasn't sure of. Perhaps he needed to talk to Jungkook about it and make sure they were on the same page.

They were currently in some boring meeting about how they were going to proceed with their schedules, so Jin secretly took out his phone to text Jungkook. Suddenly he got a flashback to the accident when he'd borrowed his phone. His contact had been saved as 'A. My Seokjin-hyung ♥'. Jin assumed Jungkook had added the A to make sure he was on the top of the list. Jin felt a bit mean for just having named Jungkook 'BigHit Jungkook'. He shook off the thought and started typing. 

"Meet me outside after the meeting"

He glanced over at Jungkook to make sure he looked at it. He watched as Jungkook wrote his reply.

"OK ♥"

They wrapped up the meeting and Jin waited for Jungkook just outside the room. They were in BigHit's building so everyone just left to to their own thing. Jungkook was the last one out because of his leg that was still not completely healed. He gleamed at Jin as soon as he saw him but his face fell a bit when he saw the serious look on Jin's face. 

"We need to talk," Jin said. Jungkook didn't like where this was going. That sentence never led to anything good. 

"About what?" he asked. Jin looked around to make sure nobody was there to listen. 

"About us," Jin said quietly. Jungkook felt like someone had punched him in the gut. 

"OK..." he said slowly, waiting for Jin to explain further. Jin couldn't recall the last time he'd been this nervous.

"It's just... I feel like I might have given you the wrong message when we... you know, did things," Jin started. Jungkook quietly listened to what he had to say. "I'm aware that you're interested in me that way, but... I don't know... it doesn't feel right. It feels like I'm taking advantage of you. I've practically seen you grow up, Jungkook. It's weird to be thinking of you that way, if you get what I mean." Jin looked up at Jungkook to see his reaction. He was frowning. 

"I get what you mean but I don't agree with it," he said firmly. "I'm an adult, Hyung, I can make my own decisions so you're not taking advantage of me in the slightest. You're only five years older than me anyway, that's basically nothing!"

"It's enough to make me feel bad!" Jin yelled. Jungkook grabbed his face and looked into his eyes. 

"Hyung, it doesn't matter how old you are. You could be 10, 15 or even 20 years older than me and I still wouldn't care! I've loved you ever since you told me your name, since you first laughed at my jokes, since you were there for me when I needed you. I love you because you are you, but all that's beside the point. You said you might've given me the wrong message. What did you mean by that?" Jin froze from the sudden question. "Don't you love me, hyung?" 

Jin felt his heart ache from looking at Jungkook's big eyes. He didn't know what to say. Jungkook searched Jin's eyes. His hesitation was already enough for an answer and Jungkook felt his heart shattering. 

"Hyung. Do you love me?" he asked again, the hurt in his voice so obvious. Jin didn't want it to end like this. He didn't want to see Jungkook cry again because of him, but he couldn't honestly say that he loved him. He decided to tell the truth even if it hurt them both. 

"I-I... don't know," he sighed, not even having the courage to look him in the eyes as he said it. Jungkook let his arms fall to his sides. 

"I see. Please tell me once you've made up you mind," he said and walked away, the slight limp in his step making Jin want to cry his eyes out. 

⨉⨉⨉⨉⨉

They both spent the next few days barely acknowledging each other's existence. Jungkook didn't dare to even look at Jin because every time he did he was reminded that he could never have him. He could never kiss him, could never tell him how much he loved him, could never put a ring on his finger to prove his love for him. Jungkook hadn't cried. He was saving that for when Jin rejected him for real. There was still a tiny piece of him holding on to the hope of Jin changing his mind. 

⨉⨉⨉⨉⨉

Jin went back to the hospital to finally remove his cast. His arm was going to be skinny as a noodle but he was glad just to get it off. The doctor was inspecting the cast looking at all the words and scribbles on it. 

"Better cut it up at the top so we don't ruin this beautiful message," the doctor said. 

"Message?" Jin asked. He'd only seen the members signatures and ugly drawings. 

"Yes, right here by the elbow," the doctor said and pointed. Jin tried to look but couldn't see what it said and then he remembered Jungkook placing it there just so he wouldn't be able to read it. 

"I haven't seen it yet," he admitted. The doctor smiled.

"Well then you'll have a happy surprise when we get this off."

It took only a few minutes to get the cast off and Jin's arm felt really weird being out in the open again. The doctor gave him the cast and sent him off. He was almost scared to read what it said. First in the car did he dare to look at it. He took a deep breath and began reading.

"Seokjin-hyung~
I'm so thankful for having you in my life. You brighten up my day just with you presence. I'm glad you saved my life from being cut short because now I get to spend even more time with you. I will love you always~♥
// Jungkookie"