Beneath this Mask

There's A Monster Inside My Head

There's A Monster Inside My Head

By ClandestineScribbler

A/N: Always read at your own risk.        

**

Droplets of sweat made its way down my temple.

My hands were shaking.

“Stupid!”

 

“You’re worthless!”

 

“Why don’t you just kill yourself, you fvcking idiot!”

 

“No, don’t listen to them.” I reminded myself for the nth time.

But it hurt.

I could feel the cold air brushed against my skin.

“Stop thinking.” I pleaded to myself.

But I was hurt.

“Moron.”

 

“Loser.”

I could feel it, I could feel the monster lurking inside my head. It slowly breaking all the walls I’d built for years and I don’t think I could defeat it this time.

The pain was too much to handle this time.

And no one was here to help me, as always.

“You ugly fat ass don’t belong here.”

 

I bent on my knees and prayed. I prayed to Him to erase this pain. I begged Him to take it away from me because this wasn’t the type of pain that I’d read on novels. This pain was unbearable. This pain was killing me.

But it didn’t go away. The pain was still here, tearing and breaking every fiber of my being.

I let my tears streamed down my cheeks.

I let my heart absorbed everything.

Defeated, that’s what I was.

I let it, for once, I let the pain consumed everything I’d left for myself.

There’s no reason of fighting anyway. This was a sick cycle of my fucked up life.

From pounding, my heart went calm as I felt the sharp edge of cold metal against my skin. As the crimson liquid flowed across my pale skin, I wondered why cutting your own flesh is always less painful than the invisible bleeding of our heart. As I drown myself in my own blood, I wondered if this physical pain will save me from my misery. As I took my last breath, I already knew the answers but wondered anyway: why did my life have to end this way?

**

"You'll ache. And you're going to love it. It will crush you. And you're still going to love all of it." - Ernest Hemingway