Joanne Suggwell One Shots

It's never you... until it is.

Short one and a sad one, you've been warned xx

You always hear people say 'love like there's no tomorrow' or 'time is precious only focus on things that matter' or 'don't waste what little time you have on the earth' or  'hug the ones you love, you don't know when you won't have them'.  And you don't listen to them. It's never you...

Until it is.

Another common thing you hear people who are grieving say is 'it comes out of nowhere one minute they're there and the next they're gone.'

Another truth.

Because she was there, on stage.

And then she wasn't.

She was falling.

And then she wasn't.

She was breathing.

And then she wasn't.

She was alive.

And. Then. She. Wasn't.

And he suddenly wished he'd done all of those things. He wished he'd squeezed a little tighter and loved her harder. Wished he'd said I love you more. And told her just how much she mattered to him. Told her how his heart beat for her.

But he hadn't and he couldn't.

That fact hadn't registered at first with him. It felt like one day he'd wake up and she'd be there smiling at him, ready to tell him it was a dream and he's okay. Ready to hear all of his confessions. Ready to love him back.

But, he realised, eventually, that she'd never be able to love him back in the normal way. Sure, he supposed, she could love him from wherever she was but it wouldn't be the same, he wouldn't be able to hear it.

Of course, as wrll, there were things that he'd never get used to, things that he'd never quite get over. He knew he'd never quite get used to how big the bed felt without her there next to him. Never get used to rolling over in the morning and not seeing the mop of red hair, not hearing her quiet snores. And he'd find he missed the things that used to annoy him too. He'd miss the mess and the constant singing. Miss her stealing his clothes and leaving the cupboard doors open.

Most of all though, something that he knew he'd never ever stop missing was her. Everything about her, he missed. From her laugh to the way she tilted her head when trying to understand something, there wasn't one thing that he wouldn't miss so much that it made him curl up and cry.

People, who are grieving, also, rightly say, 'I'd give anything to see them one more time, to know they're safe and tell them I love them,' and Joe felt a particular connection with this. He would truly do anything to see her again, and kiss her goodbye. That's the worse thing about it all, knowing she was never going to be in his arms again.

So, next time someone tells you to 'say 'I love you' more' or to 'hug the ones you love' listen to them because, as Joe has come to learn, life is fragile and the ones you care about more than yourself could be gone before you even have chance to say goodbye.