eternity. ♡ zarry ♡

18: today

Age 17

They sat against the trunk of a tree just fifteen feet away from the lake and about half a mile from the cabin. There were birds chirping, the lake was just as blue as the sky and there were no clouds in sight; it felt like a scene from a fairytale book.

Harry was half asleep, his eyelids incredibly heavy, his head on Zayn's lap as fingers soothing played with his hair.

"You've got pretty hair," Zayn said.

Harry turned onto his back so he stared up at Zayn and smiled sleepily. "You've got pretty eyes," he said back.

Zayn looked away from Harry and up to the sky with this stupidly wide smile on his face.

"Shut up," he whispered. "Please shut up."

"So you can call me pretty, but I can't call you pretty?"

Harry sat up a bit, wrapped his fingers around the back of Zayn's neck then pulled him down so their faces were mere inches apart.

"Even this close, when my eyes can barely focus on you, you're so pretty."

"Stop." Zayn's voice was so small. "Your mom might see us."

"And if she does?" Harry asked.

"She might tell my parents," Zayn whispered.

Harry pressed his hand against the ground through the small space between Zayn's legs and sat up a bit more.

"She won't see us. We're too far away, not even her glasses would help to see us," Harry assured him.

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."

He pulled Zayn down further until their lips attached. And just as always, it was so slow and so gentle.

He could feel Zayn smiling against his lips and a hand pressing to his cheek.

Harry wished time would stop or go just a little slower because he wanted this moment to last for eternity; forever; always. But just as always, it was snatched away from him the moment Zayn pulled away and stared at him like he was a God and Zayn was the human that prayed to him.

He laid back down on Zayn's lap, his hand falling from Zayn's neck.

"We should kiss more often," Zayn said.

"We would, but you're scared."

"Because.. what if someone sees us?"

"Then they see us."

"That's it?"

"That's it."

It went quiet again, but this time Zayn didn't play with Harry's hair and everything suddenly felt too real to be apart of a fairytale. The tinge of pain in Harry's chest, like the shock of a door knob after rubbing your feet against carpet; it felt too real.

Zayn looked away from Harry and straight forward at the lake, his face serious.

"Do you think we were made for each other?" he asked.

Harry's hands started to sweat.

"That God willingly created you after he created me just so we could be together. Do you think God said, 'I'm gonna give him green eyes because his other half has brown ones'?" Zayn then looked down at Harry, this wave of emotion present in his eyes.

Yes.

"It'd explain why I've always felt like this towards you," he finished.

"Always?" Harry said.

Zayn nodded. "Always."

That word again, it's just like the others.

Always. Forever. Eternity.

It could mean till the end of time or just a mere moment; too nuanced for Harry to understand; to intricate and complex.

What did eternity even mean?

He hoped it meant that their bond was boundless, that time couldn't limit them. He hoped that even in their next lives, even when the crust of the Earth breaks away and it's just them, the stars and space, and they're no longer breathing, that they would still be with each other just like they are now.

Then he had this feeling.

Maybe it was the way Zayn was looking at him or it was just an in-the-moment type of feeling, but he felt it nonetheless. It was so much stronger than anything he's ever felt.

"Do you like me?" Harry asked.

He felt the need to ask, because these feelings Zayn had could disappear in a split second. So he needed reassurance.

Zayn looked away again, out to the lake, and smiled. "Are we only capable of liking or disliking each other? Don't you think we're capable of more than that?"

"It's a simple question, Zayn. No need to be all.. poetic."

"I can't answer it."

"So you don't like me?"

Zayn went silent and Harry was about to sit up, maybe slap Zayn, maybe even cry, then make his way back to the cabin, but then..

"It's more than that. It's.. it's.." Zayn's face scrunched up in thought, but Harry knew the word he was looking for.

"I know."

"You know?"

"I know." He reached up and grazed his fingertips across Zayn's cheekbone. "I'm your other half, right? How could I not know?"

Zayn placed his hand on top of Harry's hand that now pressed flat to his cheek.

Say it, Harry thought to himself. Just say it.

The word popped into his head like large speech bubbles. It filled every curve, every crevice, every wrinkle of his brain.

Harry wondered, hoped, and prayed that the same word bouncing against the walls of his brain was the same one that Zayn was thinking of.

He could say it, because even if he didn't mean tomorrow or the day after that, he'd mean it today. It wouldn't be for Zayn as his best friend, but Zayn as whatever they were right now. Boyfriends? Maybe. But he knew he meant it, at least for today.

"I'm sorry," Zayn said.

"For what?"

"Keeping you a secret. You don't deserve that and that was never the plan, but I'm always so scared and it isn't your job to protect me or assure me, but you do it anyways."

"Don't—"

"No, because I don't want you thinking I'm ashamed of this.. of us.. of you. You deserve so much more than that and I should give you better."

"Zayn—"

"I wanna be good for you, Harry. I really do, so let's tell your mom when we get back, okay?" Zayn smiled.

Harry blanked up at him then nodded before squeezing his cheek and letting his hand fall.

"Okay."

When they started their way back, Harry couldn't stop thinking about Zayn's word and he felt even more overwhelmed with the feeling.

"Hey, Zayn."

Zayn stopped on the third step, turned around and looked down at him. "Yeah?"

Harry stayed quiet.

"Harry?"

Just say it. Let him know.

"I.."

He felt so scared, so small, so timid under Zayn's gaze.

"Yeah..?" He gestured for Harry to keep going.

Harry shook his head, climbed up to the third step and kissed Zayn's cheek.

"Never mind. Let's go tell mom."

He took the last step and made his way inside.

One day, he thought. But not today.