eternity. ♡ zarry ♡

21: happiness

Age 18

Zayn always had a habit of waking up in the middle of the night, his heart pounding away in his chest and sweat trickling down the sides of his head. It felt he'd been running ever since he fell asleep.

He'd get up from his bed and quickly walk through the darkness of the second floor to his parents' bedroom. The door would be cracked open and he would peak in to seem them sleeping soundly, their bodies rising and falling. He would sigh. They were still there, they hadn't packed and left, he wasn't alone.

On one particular night days before his graduation ceremony, when he woke up, his heart didn't pound as hard and his forehead was dry. He felt calm, serene.

Tonight felt like a good night.

Just like every night, he walked through the darkness of the second floor and stood in front of his parents' bedroom door. The door was cracked open but he didn't peak inside, he trusted that they'd still be there, sleeping calmly. He trusted them.

Instead of checking on them, he made his way downstairs to have a drink of water, something he often did after peaking through their door.

The kitchen light was on, his father was having a drink of water himself. There sat a cup filled with water, it waited for Zayn.

"Thirsty?" his father asked.

Zayn didn't speak, only nodded and took his cup. It was silent for a bit, his father staring at the counter with his angry eyebrows.

"Every night, at around three in the morning, you wake up, don't you?" His father looked at him, he was calm. "I would always hear your feet patting against the floor."

Zayn stared into his cup, he watched the water curve and warp the tiled floor.

It was quiet again. The silence was heavy, Zayn felt like he would suffocate, but he didn't know why. His father was a calm man, he hardly ever shouted, and when he did, it would be out of joy. Like when Zayn graduated from middle school and he walked across the small stage, his father was the first to scream. He remembered looking amongst the audience and seeing tears in his father's eyes and the widest smile on his face. That day, Zayn was happy.

"Do you wake up because of us? Your mother and I, that is." His father still looked at him.

"I don't know why I wake up." Zayn finally looked back at him. "But I'm scared when I do. And I don't know why, but my first instinct is to run to you guys."

"Not Harry?" His father grinned.

Zayn looked away, wide eyed and shocked. "Why.. why would you say that?"

"As a parent, you're supposed to make your children feel safe and loved. You're supposed to tell them everyday, whether through words or actions, 'I love you, I'll protect you,' but we never really did. I'm sure you know that better than anyone," he said. He frowned. "Harry, since the first day we saw him beside you, he's always seemed to tell you, 'I love you, I'll protect you,' don't you think?"

Zayn's heart was thumping and thumping faster with every word that slipped from his father's mouth.

"He isn't your parent, of course not, but it's clear that his feelings aren't so simple. You know that, don't you?" His father tone rose and he sounded bubbly. "Zayn, remember when you turned ten years old and I took you to the aquarium while your mother worked? You remember that, right?"

There was a soft, nostalgic feeling that overcame Zayn as he thought of the memory. "Of course I do."

"Oh, you were so amazed by all the colors and the fish and your eyes were so big. This big shark came by and you weren't even scared. You moved closer..," his father smiled so wide and stretched his arms apart to express just how large the shark was, "..You said, so quietly that I thought I heard you wrong, 'Papa, can I ever be strong like the shark? I wanna be strong so I can protect the people I love.' I wanted to tell you, 'Little one, you're already strong.'"

"Pa.." Zayn could cry, he could burst out into a wide smile and cry and cry and cry until this overwhelming happiness left him, but he didn't. He bathed under the brightness of his happiness, he let it warm his skin until it was golden. He was so happy.

"I've talked a lot, haven't I? I'm sorry." His father scratched the back of his head and laughed. "You can go to bed now, little one. Sorry to keep you up."

Zayn hadn't moved though, he couldn't. He's thought about it for a while, how'd he tell his parents about how his feelings for Harry weren't so simple either.

"Pa, I.. I love Harry. I wasn't sure if I could mean that when I first told him, but as I think of him right now, I love him. I want to protect him." He looked his father in the eyes. "Whether you're okay with it or not, that's just how things are."

His father's smile grew even wider. "I love you, Zayn. There is nothing in this world that could ever make me stop loving you." He pulled Zayn into a hug. "Did you think telling me, although I've already known, that you loving someone and wanting to protect them would make me stop loving you and wanting to protect you? No, never. I will always love you, so will your mother. So, don't cry, my little one."

Zayn didn't realize he'd been crying until his father had said so.

"Pa," he cried, "I'm so happy."

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I'm sure this chapter is so disappointing and this story is kind of all over the place, but I hope this is enjoyable in some way. Thank you for your comments. Although I don't reply to every one, I read all of them.

I don't know how I'll end this, but hopefully soon. I want to create another story, one that's a bit more deep, a bit more wordy with more intricate and detailed characters. Hopefully I can make something like that.

Sorry to make this long. Thank you again :)