Hurt Me Twice

Chapter 15

“We don’t earn love… it’s a gift we’re given” A.L Jackson

The holidays are finally here! The happiest I’ve ever been has always been around Christmas, and this year it was even more special because Nathan and I were so much in love, and sure of it. I haven’t said the exact three words yet, but I’m going to. Just waiting for the perfect moment, and it’s yet to come.

Christmas eve dinner at my sister’s house was a ritual now, and she invited Nathan, too, so we could have an evening together, since Christmas morning was a time shared between family, he’s got his and I’ve got mine.

After a wonderful time at the dinner table, Meaghan and Brian left us the living room so we could exchange our gifts and have a good time beside the fireplace and Christmas tree.

“You first!” I chimed at Nate super excited “let me have my charm”

He laughed as he pulled out a tiny velvet box; the charm had the number ‘25’ on it. I stared at it, then at Nathan, trying to remember what this date meant to him.

“I don’t… I’m sorry… what is this?” I asked confusion evident on my face.

“I’ll tell you in a while” he took a lock of my hair between his fingers, “where’s my mistletoe?”

I laughed reaching out under the tree and grabbing it, smiling as I waved it on his face. “How badly do you want it?”

“Quit playing and get over here.” He pulled me by my wrist and gave me a light kiss, then his gaze dropped to the scar forever engraved there, his thumb tracing over it.

My mind flashed back to the time, almost a year and a half ago, where glass slit my wrist, marking it, scarring it for life.

He pressed his soft lips on the scar and warmth spread through every fiber of my being.

“I have something else for you.” his voice so low almost a whisper as he pulled out another small box from his pocket. I opened it to find a beautiful gold ring, the Cartier love ring.

“A promise ring?” I asked crinkling my nose and he pinched it playfully.

“Yeah, a little sign of reassurance that you’re mine.”

I frowned at his words and looked down at the ring, handing the box over to him “Nathan…” I said through an exhale feeling anxiety rise in me “I… I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t want it?” he asked and I shook my head no. “Not ready for a promise ring? Okay. That’s why I got you the matching ‘love’ bracelet.” He took it out and put it on my wrist, hiding most of my scar.

“Nathan?” I choked out, swallowing back the lump in my throat “I don’t deserve you, you’re too good to me and I’m broken…”

He didn’t let me finish, he pulled me into a tight embrace “Beautifully broken, so breathtakingly broken it breaks my heart with impeccable pain and immense love… and don’t ever say you’re not deserving of the love I have for you. Know why? Cause I love you so much it hurts!”

I smiled as tears fell and I couldn’t do anything to stop them, didn’t fight it either.

He pulled me to my feet and played the song we first danced to a long time ago. Speechless, was the song when Nathan first wrapped his arms around me and I felt a strange sense of contentment wash over my messed up life.

This time around though, it was more than perfect, because I held him back just as intensely, as we swayed gently, without either of us saying one word and with the song playing on repeat for what felt like forever.

“Macy,” he breathed my name as he buried his face in my long brown hair. I held on tighter to him as the tears resurfaced.

This gorgeous, breathtakingly, achingly beautiful man was mine, and he wanted me his. I couldn’t believe he stayed with me despite me having hurt him before, and never said the words “I love you” loud and proud, because I wasn’t sure I could feel them, not ever.

Being with him, I knew I could. It felt amazing and I had to let him know. Slowly I pushed back from his embrace and held his face between my hands, then running my fingers through his hair; I looked straight into his beautiful intense eyes, failing to see deep within them because mine were blurred with tears.

I took a deep breath and said “I love you”

He didn’t give me a chance to breathe out, he dove in kissing me with so much passion, it left my head spinning, and yet I didn’t want to stop. Kissing Nathan was like breathing the purest air. In between kisses I exhaled sharply and forced the words “So much” out, before we got back to kissing as if our lives depended on it.

I broke our kisses short on breath, desperate to maintain composure and not melt to the ground. He put his forehead on mine as his quick pant fanned my lips.

“Just breathe, baby” I whispered teasingly, loving that my kisses left him short on breath, desperate for air.

He kissed my forehead before wrapping me up in his arms, I felt so tiny against him, completely engrossed in his embrace.

He killed the song on his phone and pulled me onto his lap in the ruffled, luscious carpet.

His fingertips gently caressing the side of my neck, sending electric currents down my spine. His other hand holding my own.

“It was past 12… when you said the words that made me the happiest person on the face of the planet.” He said in a soft low tone. “Say them again?”

I smiled realizing the 25th, but how did he know I would say them tonight?

“I love you” I said once nonchalantly with a smirk “I love you” I said again leaning in to kiss his neck “I love you” honey dripped from my tone as I said it low and private in his ear and felt him shudder beneath my touch.

How is this possible? This kind of reaction between two people shouldn’t be normal. How could three simple words, a few passionate kisses, and a light touch do this to him?

“God, I love you!” he said loud and clear for me to hear looking straight into my eyes and I felt something break lose and flutter in my chest.

It almost felt like need.

“Merry Christmas, baby”

He smiled knowingly at my words, figuring out that my “I love you” was his Christmas gift, and I somehow knew, saw it in his eyes, felt it in his touch, and heard it in his breath, it was the best gift he could ever wish for.

“Merry Christmas, beautiful” he kissed me one last time before he got up and got his coat “Have a good night.”

“You, too” I smiled softly at him as he walked out the door and I couldn’t help my toothy grin as I made my way to my guest bedroom.

This amount of giddiness was not normal. I crashed onto the bed and fell asleep all warm and toasty inside.