Severus Snape: OneShots

Turning Point

...

He felt old. Ancient.

His body was young, in the middle of the transformation from boy to man. Yet his mind and soul had endured too much to retain any semblance of the innocence that one would associate with youth.

There had been one pivotal moment in his life when everything had shattered, his final illusions dispelled as reality had sunk its claws into his mind and tore him apart. He had finally understood - who he was, and more importantly, who he was not.

Trapped by his own spell, he had been helpless. He could still feel the blood rushing into his head as he hung upside down in the iron claws of the Levicorpus which had been cast on him by his worst enemy.

As he had hung there, upside down in the air, exposed and ridiculed in front of the entire school, he had thought that the moment could not get any worse. But then she had to come along. Lily Evans.

She had been his best friend since childhood, and in his mind, they had still been the closest friends at Hogwarts. He had been madly in love with her, but he knew he did not stand a chance and so kept those feelings to himself.

To have her see him helpless and overpowered, with his faded underwear exposed by James Potter, who cackled, delighted with himself, as the entire school watched - that had been his worst nightmare.

But then, it had gotten even worse.

She had gone straight to Potter, making him release the spell while chiding him. Scolding him in such an unperturbed manner as if he had merely spilled juice on Severus, and not the heinous act and complete humiliation that had taken place. Four on one, no less.

As he had lain in a heap on the grass, hearing those empty words fall from her lips, it had been clear to him, right then, that she had not really meant the reprimand, that she had done it because it was what ought to be done, because she had felt it had been expected of her.

In truth, she had always been drawn to Potter. She fancied him; it was so clear to him now. He had tried to deny that truth for so long, too long, but at this moment in time, he couldn't, not when it happened right in front of his eyes.

He was no longer as important to her as she was to him. Appealing to Potter meant far more than the friendship they shared. He wondered if she ever asked herself how she had stooped so low.

It had been in that moment that a white-hot fury had overwhelmed him, and his only intent had been to hurt her, to cause her the same pain that she had caused him.

The moment that word had left his mouth, he had known he had sealed his fate. The look in her eyes had told him that he had hurt her, but even so, she was grateful for an excuse to finally drop him.

He had never fit in with her other friends, and she had found more and more excuses not to spend time with him. She had blamed her behavior on his association with a group of Slytherins he had befriended, but deep down he had known that this had only been part of the reason, a convenient excuse for her to turn away from him.

The moment the word 'Mudblood' had been out in the open, she had cut him out of her life cleanly. Severely.

For three days, he had been in a stupor of shock, misery and hurt. It had felt as though a part of him was missing, as if he could not breathe without her. He had even stooped so low as to sleep in front of her common room, just to be able to speak with her for a minute and apologize, but she had not even given him a chance.

In the end, he had been grateful for that. It was bad enough he had lost it that badly, but even more so when he was finally able to look at the facts in the light of day. It had helped him to see things as they were.