My diary

June 5, 2019

Dear diary,
Wow the last part of the last entry makes me sound like an ungrateful brat. Which is not at all how I intended it to sound. My Memaw is a housewife, for lack of a better word. Even if I tried to do my own laundry she wouldn't let me while I live with her. I lived with her a year ago, that's how it was. She was scared I would put clothes that shouldn't go in the dryer, into the dryer. Or she thought that I would break the dryer in some way.

And when I was talking about the room; she and my papa have separate rooms. When I stay there I sleep I the same bed as her, which isn't ideal at 19 years old. I expressed to her that if I was to live with her again I would need my own personal space. She said I could have my papa's room, but I don't want to intrude on his personal space. The one room she has is filled with things she buys and never uses, everything in that room in still in its original packaging.

Okay so now that I have got that off my chest I no longer feel like a snobby brat.

I'm going to make chicken spaghetti tonight with the red sauce, not the Alfredo. The meat still has the skin on it, I don't know yet if I want to keep it on. If I do I'll need to sear it first so that I don't get grossed out by the texture.

I went to Walmart again today to get stuff for dinner. I had to use my food stamp card. When I use it I go to a self checkout, because I'm embarrassed by the fact that I needed it. Because the negativity towards people who can't afford to eat, but still dress nice and have nice things doesn't help either. I haven't bought clothes or shoes in over 4 years, but I know how to take care of my clothes to keep them nice. My car is a 2017, but it was a graduation gift, I didn't pay for it. I didn't even know I was getting the car. For me it's either I pay my bills or I eat. I can't have both because I simply do not have the funds to. And that's embarrassing. The fact that it's embarrassing, is embarrassing. I dream about the day that I can buy food without looking at the price first, and pay my bills without worry.