HIM.

The Hardest Good Bye.

"Until you tell me otherwise..."

Today was the day I never saw coming. Today, I walk away from you because you asked me too. Today, I stop fighting for us, today I give you what you want and that's not being with me. Today, I leave you.

The Hardest Goodbye

Chicago was a god damned nightmare. Or so I thought it was... today was even worst. Today, we talk and you tell me you love me but aren't in love with me anymore. Today, you tell me you need more than what I am giving. Today, you tell me we need to take a break, but I know what this really is. This isn't a break. This is goodbye.

I let him explain himself and the mess he has made. I told him I forgave him, but hell I cant even look at him. Deep down, I think I hate him. Before I leave, he tells me if its meant to be we will find our way back into our lives... but until then he needs time. I don't even respond to what he has said, I begin to cry, trying so hard to hold it in. He asks for one last hug, he hugs me and I just stand there, I don't want to hug him, I don't even want to look at him. Right now all I feel is my heart breaking and I don't understand what I did to him for him to just let me go... hes still hugging me, he grabs my face for a kiss. He kisses me and I don't even kiss back. Tears are streaming down my face, I tell him I cant do this. And I walk out...

I go to my car and leave immediately. I drive to a bar he wouldn't dare go to. I cry in the parking lot for about 45 minutes, I am a mess, sobbing, my heart feels as if it is literally breaking. All I can think of is I have nowhere to go. No one to tell... How do I tell my family, my fiancé cheated on me and decided he needs to sleep with other people, so now I am homeless in Portland.

I buy a plane ticket for tomorrow morning and just tell my mom I'm coming home for 3 weeks, just to be home. This is such a bad idea. But I cant stay here. He has already called 3 times asking where I am going and what I am going to do. Has it just dawned on him that he kicked me out of OUR home without a place to go? I tell him not to worry and that Ill figure it out.

I am still sitting in my car, trying to control my breathing and figure out what the hell I am going to do until my flight...when someone taps on my window.