The Poet Tries: Untold Love #Wattys2019

#3- Cautions Of Loving Me

I am made of skin and bones.

I always skip breakfast just to attend morning classes.
I drink liquor more often and smoke more than I should.
My teeth aren't perfect and so was my skin.

I kept forgetting to brush my teeth 3 times a day.

I been carving and marking my art; embedded in my skin just to remember the feeling of sadness.
I always like the the smell of a new book, it reminds me of this euphoric feeling of when I was still a kid.

My sexuality will be the most confusing thing I will ever know.

Perhaps, because me, myself is a confusion.
I never like the feeling of excitement also I did not like going to arcades and amusement parks;
Besides it is more fun to be alone.

I love those movies and novels who's endings are tragic.

It gives me the fulfilment I want.
I am allergic to pain killers, but still I take them no matter what.
I hate waiting, yet I always make people wait.
That's why I hate myself.

I will never understand the theory of surprise, but I will always appreciate those small efforts people do.

My eye bags, have bags.
And I always get pissed with late and slow replies.
Indicating that I'm not that important.

I like cooking for myself and for my foes, to show how caring and loving I can be.

I never care if I'm few meters away from the television as long as it's my favorite show that I'm watching.
The truth is there are only of few things that I do for myself.
'Cause, maybe I never care for myself; I never did.

I never loved myself enough that I even encourage temporary attachments to break me even more.

And please, do not say that you love me, coz you're not going to be my first, and definitely not going to be my last.
If we ever break up, I'll cry but I won't stay sad, I'll move on too easily.
This road will be consistently lonely so I will always need a company.

I will never make you see vulnerability in my eyes, so that people like you won't take advantage of me.

I am a person, I realized that I am not just a piece of skin and bones.
Please do keep that in mind, because I did not spent years building my walls just for you to climb.
I am made of pieces jigsaw puzzles that even I couldn't solve.

Because maybe after all, what I really wanted is someone who'll stay, for who am I, and never make me want to drink a couple of beer just to remember the feeling of being loved.

What I want is someone who will help me break and conquer my own walls and pieces and to build a new one with a good and strong foundation.
I want someone who's willing to walk with me in the dark,
Someone that will hold my hand and light the way in order for us not to get lost,
Or someone who is not afraid to get lost with me.
I want someone who is not afraid to touch my monsters, someone who is brave enough to play with them.

I want that someone but that someone is not you;

Cautions, before saying you love me.

//cautions of loving me//

Words by: Jose Daniel Lorca-Lopoz