Can I Trust You, Dad?

10-I'm More Than Willing To Rot In Hell With You

Two weeks without her.
It was killing me, I missed my mom so much. Since I went to her funeral and my grandma's I've never been that depressed.
I missed them both but my mom a bit more.
During those two weeks I've grown closer to the whole band, I felt like they were my older brothers or something like that.
Ryan and Vin would let me play videogames with them and at times let me win because I suck at it.
Ghost would give me some fashion advices and taught me how to draw my eyebrows. He also helped me to redecorate my room, which was sick.
And Ricky introduced me a bit to guitar.
The only person I was a bitdistant with was Chris, I couldn't call him dad or other. I forced myself sometimes to not break him or other but it was just so hard for me.

Today Motionless In White had a recording session for their new album and I stayed home alone.
I was in my room, trying to tidy my desk a bit. I grabbed my school bag on my chair and I felt it heavier than usual.
I've put my hand into my bag to find the photo album and the journal.

I opened the journal and I found a wilt rose with a little note glued on it.

"I'm more than willing to rot in hell with you ♡

Chris"

As I turned the pages I could see a lot of flowers with note explaining stuff over that flower or stuff about her and Chris.

At the end of my journal I've found an envelope closed. I opened and found a note.

"I hate myself for what I did today.
My parents found out I am pregnant.
I am only sixteen and they hate Chris so much.
They don't like his goth look and the fact that he screams in his band.
I had to leave Chris, otherwise my parents would have kicked me out and I don't want that, I need a place to live with my future kid.
I don't wanna have an abortion, because if I can't have Chris, at least I'll have his kid.
I couldn't leave him face to face, so I lied to him and told him I've found someone new.
It is fake.
I love Christopher Thomas Cerulli.
And I will love me until the day I'll be gone.
I don't know if that letter will ever come to you, Rebecca.
I know you hate him too.
I know you will tell me that mom and dad are right but please, you're the only one that I can count on."

As soon as I read that I cried. I had to tell him.
Chris never abbandonate us.
Mom has never found anybody else.
My grandparents kept us apart.
This was a letter meant to be for my aunt. How stupid was I?
How could I be that cold with that man that made my mom happy?
What kind of a bitch am I?
In that moment I felt arms wrapping me, I turned and saw Ghost, weren't they at the studio?
He wiped off my tears and brushed my hair with his free hand because the other one was holding me.

《Are you back yet?》

《We've been gone for more than three hours》

Damn, time flies.
Well, I've read the whole journal which was a big one.

《Is dad home?》

Devin nodded his head. He doesn't talk much but he's just so sweet. He might look like a weirdo or a serial killer to some people but he's just so kind.

I got out of my desk with the journal and went downstairs.
In the kitchen there were Chris and Ricky cooking while Ryan and Vin were playing video games in the living room.

《Hey mini me》 said dad

《I've found something dad...》

《What are you talking about?》

《I need to show you, in the garden...it's about mom》

《Go with her Chris, I'll do it》 said Ricky pulling him off the kitchen.

We went outside and we've sat on the grass, just in front of the roses.
I started to translating the letter to Chris and since it stared he had red eyes and looked like his whole world was breaking into pieces
.
《She loved me...》 his voice was breaking.

We stayed there in silence for a few minutes.
Dad was completely disconnected from the reality, he was staring at the roses and a few tears came out.
I went closer to him.

《I'm sorry for doubting you》

《Not a big deal, I'd doubt me too》 He opened his arms and I went inside of them.

《Roses were her favourite flowers, that's why I have planted some in the garden. I did it for her. I did it for Anna...I gotta go inside now, I have a great idea》 he took the journal and runned inside.

I stayed a bit outside, just in front of the roses. I missed my mom so much, she might be dead but in my heart she still is here. She lives inside of roses of our backyard, she lives in her favourite songs, she lives in her flowers dress. Above all this, she lives inside my heart and my dad's.

I went inside and saw all of them eating but dad wasn't there, that's a great excuse to escape the dinner.

《Do you want some, Maria?》 Asked Vinny

《No, thanks》

I went back to my room, I opened the window and sat on top of it.
I could hear my dad playing acoustic guitar and singing in the other room.
His voice was so beautiful, I couldn't help but listen to how beautiful it was

《To rot in this garden made of stones, eternally yours》