Can I Trust You, Dad?

15-So Wrong, It's right

Days were passing by.
Weeks were passing by.
Months were too.
We were now in March, nine months after my mom passed away.
I have been to her grave every Sunday, I  didn't even go to my grandparents' because if I didn't had a father, it only was their fault.
I've followed school online for a bit but I dropped out after a few months.
My mental health was the main reason for my drop out.
I was in recovery, yes but I wasn't recovering for real.
Everytime they weighted me I would drink a lot of water and put layers and layers of clothing.
I didn't wanted to be saved, I estimated that I was fine.
I would just hide food in my pockets and then give it to our neighbours' cat.
They all though I was getting better, but actually wasn't.
My hair were falling, I had that little energy that I could barely walk but I managed to look full energy and joy.
Every night I feel my heart getting slow heart rates and my head was light when I lied down.

New Motionless In White album will drop next month, it was called
《Graveyard Shift》.
They dropped a new single called "Eternally Yours" over a week ago, this is the song I would hear my dad sing every night. He wrote it with mom's journal and it just amazing. He wrote about how he abbandonate love after her and how much he wanted to rot with her.
It was my favourite song. I've broke my replay button ops.

Vin and I became really close, it was weird.
When we were with the others he acted like a real brother, he still was destroying me at FIFA but fine.
But when we are alone his behaviour towards me changes, he hugs me, kisses my forhead and say things like 《you're beautiful》.
That was weird but I liked it.

Today I went to the shop with Ricky and Ghost, they looked kinda weird, they were moving around in a weird way.
In a gay way.
Like they were walking a bit too close to be only good friends.

《Maria, can you go and pick some salt?》 Asked Devin looking at Ricky maliciously

《Su-ure》 I walked away really quickly and went looking for salt.
On my way back to the boys I've seen Ghost whispering in Ricky's and then he blushed.
Yeah, they might have an affair.
I walked to them and gave them the salt.

《Thanks, Maria》

The rest of the shopping went well but I could see them giving each other little looks or smirks behind my eyes.
Some girls came to us.

《Hi, we are big fans!! Can we take a picture with you please?》said a girl with purple hair and snake bites

《Sure!》

《Do you want me to take the picture?》 I asked awkwardly

《Oh, it would be so kind of you》responded a Blondie next to her

They handed me a phone with a picture  of Ricky as lockscreen.
I took a few photos and took the time to tell them how to pose and stuff. I just loved taking picture of people.

《We have a personal photograph, thanks Maria》said Rick

《Oh my God, you are Chris' daughter》said the purple-haired

《Well, according the DNA test》

《You have the same eyes as him, beautiful!》

《Hum, thanks...》 I said really awkwardly

I showed them the pictures, they turned out really well. We had time so we had a small chat with them.
Rick and Ghost were just so adorable with them and the girls were really polite.
Sometimes it happens that the fans are a bit rude, like once this girl who told Vin how she'd like to have one of his sticks you know where. Or when this girl was just nice with Chris and acted like the rest of the band didn't exist and Ricky tried to ask her something and she just looked at him in a really bad way.
Those were nice fans.

《We are sorry, but we gotta go! Thanks for your support girls》 said Devin

《We love your music, bye》

We've walked into the car.
Ghost and Rick were on front sits and I was on the back.
We were riding silently, I was on my phone, they were silent.
Too silent for me.
I turned my eyes off my phone and I saw Ghost's hand on Rick's thigh.
I don't care if they're having an affair or whatever, but why were they hiding?

That evening, the whole band was gone to a birthday party, the one of their old drummer. They still kept in touch, they explained me that he left to become a tattoo artist. Vinny didn't go with them since he didn't know him that much so we've stayed home togheter.

We've made ourselves some popcorns and wachted Black Butler, an anime, on Netflix.
Vinny wasn't really into it but I was just captivated by it.
He passed arm on my shoulder and allowed me to lie on him.
He kissed my forhead and played with hair, then he was getting closer and closer but I moved off him;

《No! Sebastian! You can't loose like that! He's a fucked up Death Angel!!》I yelled at the screen of his laptop.

《Do you know he can't hear you, right?》 He said giggling

《I don't care!》

He delicately pulled  my hair out of my neck and let his face came closer to my neck. I could feel his breathing on my neck, the feeling of him on my neck was weird, but I could stay like this forever. He delicately kissed my neck multiple times and got distracted, I couldn't follow the anime anymore.
He removed his head from there and turned my head to look at him.
He grabbed my face between his fingers and looked at me in my eyes with his lovely green eyes. Our faces were getting closer, our lips were dying to meet one another. I bited my bottom lip, I wanted to taste his lips.
He just kissed me softly.
We kept on going on like this for a little while. Until I stopped our kisses.

《Vin...》
He interrupted me with another kiss.

《It's...so wrong》

He stopped and looked at me. He took his hand to my dark hair and pulled me closer to him, so close that our forhead were togheter.

《So wrong, it's right》 he said smiling

《We can't do that, Vin》

《They won't never know, Maria》

He kissed me, in a even more passionate way than before. Soon his kisses went down my neck and he came on top of me.
I knew what was happening was just wrong, if the other members found out they would kill him.
But I couldn't stop, I was craving him.
He ripped my shirt off and his too. His kisses were becoming more and more thirsty. His kisses went down my neck and then down my belly, he opened a my pants and slipped them off me. He slided his hand under my underwear and with a finger he rubbed me. It felt just so good, I was breathing heavily. He removed his hand to slip down my underwear. I was now completely naked, he kissed my inner thigh and moved until he reached my insides.
He inserted his tongue into me, it was even more pleasing. I couldn't help but make some noises and holding his curly hair. After a few time he left and came back with a condom, I opened his pants slipped them down and did the same with his boxer. Putted on the condom and then slidded slowly inside me.
He slowly moved his hips, in the begging it hurted a bit but then became pleasing. Once he was done we've cuddled a bit there, our naked bodies next to each other. I couldn't ask for more.

《I love you, Maria》

《I love you, Vincenzo》

《Hey...》

I kissed his cheek and he smiled.

That night I had my first kiss and my first time.
Vin was no longer like a really good friend or whatever, he was even more.