I only remember the bad names that everyone called me.
Shit Show.
What hurts the most is He the one who called me Shit Show.
Am I really?
Am I really that bad to be called that.
Bad enough that it's true.
Bad enough that I'm nobody.
My tongue bleeds from how much I bite into just to stop myself from talking anymore.
My scars never healed enough to hide them.
They're not visible but they are to me.
My broken heart still never healed from when he called me that name.
I still pry that my family never know about my weak self.
I pry just to not look at myself and think that I'm not here anymore, I'm in a whole another nightmare.
Do I dream or do I fall into another nightmare.
Do I sleep or do I cry all night just because I can't do this anymore.
Do I talk about this?
Can I verbally walk up to someone and tell them that I can't do this.
Can I even speak up and tell everyone how much of a ghost I am to the world.
Names hurt me so much to the point where I can only carried one.
Names mentally abuses me to the point that it screams at me saying I'm useless to him.
I miss me.
The old me.
The happy me.
The bright me.
The smiling me.
The laughing me.
The gone me.
Do I really think I'm perfect for him?
Do I really think that everything is going to be ok?
Do I need help?
Help.
No one is around to help you.
They're gonna say help yourself.
Help.
Helping myself climb up a tree to hang myself,
Is that the help I need?
Helping me drown myself,
Just hold tightly to my neck.
Make sure no air is to be coming in my lungs.
Helping me overdose,
With morphine so I won't feel the pain your giving me.
Pain.
What is pain?
Is it just a shock of something you did to your body?
Is it where you grab a knife just to feel what pain is or is it just my heart falling apart?
Heart.
Just an organ that you can just rip it out and feel it pump your last breaths.
Why is everything so numb and dull?
Why can't it be colorful?
The rainbow.
It just comes from the water and the sunlight.
There's no leprechaun over the rainbow.
Numb.
Can't feel anything.
No emotions.
No feelings
No love.
Dull like a dull blade.
Slicing my skin.
Over.
Over.
Over.
What's the point in life?
What's the point of giving birth to another human when you know the concept of trusting your love of your life to help take care of that human.
New born baby = a human's life!!
Why bother even loving me when you love gaming.
I ask this question to see if you'll take a break.
"Which one do you care the most, me or fortnite?"
It's obvious.
You like games.
If you care enough for me you'll take a break.
No.
No you don't.
That shows what type of guy you are.
Do I ramble a lot?
Do I annoy you a lot?
Do I even need friends to help me slit my wrist?
Do I need help overdosing on love for you when you don't show me love?
Do I stay broken and never get help?
Do I starve myself just to be skinny?
What is love?
A question that is hard to explain.
It's there.
But why is it there?
Why bother read when you can be mad at me.
Why bother looking at me.
Sounds familiar.
"Shit"
"Show"
Over dramatic freak who's been abused mentally and physically.
Who's been picked on my whole life.
Who actually starves myself because of people.
Who's afraid of even talk to her own boyfriend.
Self esteem?
Losing my patience.
Losing my hope for humanity
I'm sorry.
But you made me sad.
YOU ARE READING
The Selfless Me
Non-FictionSometimes, I just want to write out my feelings, y'know. It's okay to write what's going on in your head. It's okay to open a clean page and just write all the things you've held onto. It's okay to let loss on a piece of paper with a pen/pencil at...
