The Pain Of Beauty

Til Ragnarok Do Us Part

Standing in front of the mirror, Alex couldn't believe the reflection she saw. She couldn't believe what her reflection was wearing. A wedding dress. Alex Fierro was trying on a wedding dress because she was getting married. Alex Fierro was getting married because someone loved her for who she was.

The dress she was trying on was literally made for her. Seriously. Blitzen had insisted on making her dress. He knew her style well and fashion even better. He was an absolute genius.

Her dress hugged her in all the right places. The sweetheart neckline had padding in it to give her a bit of a chest. The sash around her waist lead to a ballgown skirt that accentuated her hips. The white fabric contrasted her skin and the pink ribbon perfectly. One of her favorite parts of the dress was the green glitter that slowly took over the bottom of the ball gown that looked like the dress she fell in love with so long ago.

Her absolute favorite part, though, was the magic in the dress. Not metaphorical magic, but real magic. The dress could tell when her gender shifted and would change into a green tuxedo to prevent potential discomfort during her wedding. The bride-to-be cried when Blitz told her the news. Someone not only accepted her, but spent so much time and effort to accommodate her desires. For that she would be eternally grateful.

"Alex?" She scrambled to hide as Magnus entered so he couldn't see her dress.

"In here!" She called from their bedroom in the Chase Space where she was currently hiding in the closet.

"Alex?"

"Yes Maggie?" She answered sweetly.

"Why are you in the closet?"

Uh-oh. She didn't think that far. How could she explain without him knowing?

"Um.  I-I...Hide and seek? I thought it would be fun. Your turn to hide!"

"Yeah...no. You wanna tell me why you're really in there?" She could hear his footsteps coming closer. He would be opening the door in three...two....now. "What's u..."

He was cut short when his jaw fell open, his eyes wide in surprise. When the initial shock wore off, his features looked more worried. Alex was crying.

He ran to hug his fiancée. "What's wrong, Alex?"

"You-you shouldn't s-see m-me before the wedding, Maggie!" She gasped out.

"What?"

"Bad juju. I don't wanna jinx anything!" She tried to wiggle out of his grasp, but he was stronger than her in her emotional state.

"You don't want to jinx anything? Alex, what do you think there is to jinx?" He pushed her away from him slightly so he could look her in the eye.

Alex blushed and looked down. Her tears were slowly stopping, but she knew they would be back at the drop of a hat. She really hated how comfortable she got showing emotion in front of Magnus. "Nothing. It's stupid. I'm stupid."

"Alex Fierro! You are not stupid! Don't ever say that again!" He noticed her flinch and lowered his voice. "I'm sorry. I just- it hurts when you get all self deprecating."

"It hurts?"

"Yeah. Cause if you were stupid, then that'd make me stupid for being so in love with you. You're the smartest, most confident person I've ever met."

She smiled slightly before the tears came back. "Can we sit on the bed?"

"Of course." He helped Alex up and to the bed. They sat side by side. She leaned her head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around her torso.  "Talk to me, sweetheart. What's really bothering you?"

She mumbled something into his shoulder that he couldn't understand. "What?"

"This dress."

"What's wrong with it? I think it's beautiful."

"It's absolutely beautiful. That's not the problem."

"Then what is? Honey, I don't understand the problem. I want to help. Please tell me what's wrong."

"You wouldn't understand! Forget about it!" Alex pushed her way off the bed and ran onto the fire escape. She needed air. She could feel a shift inside herself and apparently so did the dress. Alex was now standing in a green suit and pink tie. He loved it almost as much as the dress.

"Alex..." Magnus stood a safe distance away, afraid he might get his head garroted off. "You look amazing. You're brilliant. I love you. We're getting married. What's the problem? Please tell me." He was desperate and worried, Alex could hear it in his voice and see it fall with every tear he was now shedding. Magnus couldn't bear to see Alex in pain, but it hurt Alex even more to see Magnus cry. Especially when it was his fault. Every tear broke him a little more.

"I-I'm sorry, Maggie. I just-I don't know how to explain it."

Magnus stepped forward and grabbed his fiancé's hands and pulled him closer. "Try."

"It's just that, I guess, I'm scared. Of everything. About the wedding, of myself, of..."

"Of what?"

"You. I'm scared that one day, you're gonna wake up with a ring on your finger and freak because of who gave you that ring. I'm scared that one day, you're going to get tired of introducing me as your wife one minute and go back and apologize cause, oops, I screwed your social life up cause I'm now your husband.  I'm scared you'll realize I'm not as beautiful as you thought. Like it was just bad lighting before that cast pretty shadows. I'm scared that you're gonna hate me and eventually leave me. I'm scared that I'll lose you." By the end of his speech, both men were crying.

Magnus lifted his hand to his love's cheek and put their foreheads together. "You will never EVER lose me. Understand? For better or worse, male or female, I am going to be right by your side bugging you until Ragnarok do us part. You got it? I don't care if you are a boy or a girl. I will always, ALWAYS, love you so much it hurts. Hear that? It hurts how much I love you, Alex Fierro. I love you with my whole damn heart. You're absolutely beautiful no matter how you feel." His voice was barely a whisper, but it was enough to make Alex cry more as he captured the lips he was so fond of in a kiss filled with love and adoration.

Alex Fierro never felt more beautiful than in that moment. It took him 16 years of life and many more of death, but he finally found what made him feel like the most beautiful person alive, man or woman. It wasn't a skirt. It wasn't a fancy jacket. It wasn't even his wedding dress.

Magnus Chase made Alex Fierro feel beautiful. Magnus Chase was Alex Fierro's world, and he wouldn't have it any other way. Ever.