"Now, that has to be the worst mixtape ever made." states Ash, turning the volume even lower than it had already been for the last hour. The signs for Blackpool are numerous now. They're almost at destination.
Hayden picks a cigarette from her purse and turns in her seat to find a lighter. Obviously, it's hidden under the covers, the bags and their stuff. She smiles her way to a sad grin looking at the trunk of the car. It looks like they're going camping, in December. Freaking England. As she turns her eyes back on the road, she notices people hiding from the wind that's been getting a lot stronger since they've passed Preston. People are shielding themselves behind their arms, newspapers and briefcases. "You're really like, hung on Blackpool..." she trails off, laughing at Ash's determined look.
"You've always asked me to take you to the seaside, I mean, we could still turn back and-" Ashton suddenly stops, Hayden's fist still firmly anchored in his left arm. She tells him to shut up and closes her arms around her knees, laughing at his stunned face. "That's alright, keep driving."
They spend the last twenty minutes of their drive to Blackpool in silence.
Eyes closed, Hayden thinks about her bag hidden under the pile of candies and blankets in the trunk. She thinks of the bag of coke in her makeup pouch. She thinks about the smell of heroin when you mix it with ; when it burns. The feeling of warmth in her body as it settles in her veins. She slowly fades into this second universe inside of her, letting herself be just that, an addict. "A recovering addict". She loses her grip on the present for an instant and feels the heat of it again. She longs for it.
"Hey, you okay ?" Ash glances at her. "You look like you're drifting, and I don't know where you're going babe." He yawns and lets his eyes drop back onto the road, clearly he didn't get any sleep last night.
The music fading in the background makes it feel like a serious moment she should remember her whole life. But right now she'd like to jump out and never wake up again. Hayden turns in her seat and curls in a ball, facing him now. "Yeah, I'll be alright."
***
Ash throws his left hand on her knee and presses his fingers on her body, they've arrived. She looks up to the welcoming sign and smiles. She turns the volume of the radio up and stares at the trees fringing the streets. The day is dark though it's two in the afternoon, the clouds look too heavy for the small town they're currently driving through. Hayden turns her eyes to the sea once they reach the coast, "that's it," she says, shifting in her seat once more, "the sea is beautiful."
Ash' smile spreads as he answers "yeah it is, but why did you have to turn the music up," he laughs, not missing a beat, "your brother has terrible taste."
Ash slows down and manages to park the truck inbetween a post office and a couple shops. He turns the engine off and they get out, cold air freezing their body in seconds. That's when he notices Hayden still hasn't changed, cracks up while her legs are now turning blue. "Come here," he chuckles as he pulls her into the strongest hug, "you need to warm up. And to change."
But she doesn't care, they've arrived. And though this drive was the shortest escape-road-trip ever, she's here. She's not in a kitchen getting yelled at, her hair is not being pulled by some guy, she's not sleeping at a strangers' place. She's not screwing things up. She's not fucked up. She's not fucked up. She. Is. Not. Fucked. Up.
As the rain starts falling, they do not move. Letting in the salted air and the sound of seaguls fleeing away. Hayden's mind is set elsewhere though. Not right here, not right now. Not in Blackpool with Ash. It's in fucking Deansgate, Hayden's fifteen and her dad is screaming so bad the neighbors are probably alert by now. Avery and Ethan are doing all they can to get him to calm down, while their mom is taking the twins upstairs, further away from the chaos. But who's protecting Hayden ? The chaos. Her back hurts from having just been pushed against the wall in the living room. The floor seemed like the safest place to be sitting when she crumbled down but now it just looks like a trap from which she clearly can't escape. Both her brothers are holding onto her fathers' arms while he screams he'll end up killing her someday. Or he'll kill himself if it'll put an end to it all. Hayden has never known what happened to her father. She's never found an answer to his change in attitude. She's never learned whatever it was that she should have. It's like he was out of his own body during those moments. Whenever he had one of those phases, the world became dark and turned upside down. And during that bit of time, anything could happen. The screaming, hitting, and threats. But when the skies cleared, everything turned back and the whole family felt like it could just go back to normal. Except Hayden and her dad both knew the storm was just in hiding for a moment. They both knew the meaning of the words that had been exchanged during those limited amounts of time.
"You okay there?" Second time today that Ash has to ask her that question. Hayden doesn't even try to smile. She just leans against the truck and takes it in, chin up, eyes closed.
"Could we remain here, or go even further away but just-" she stops mid-sentence, gathering her thoughts before opening her eyes again to see Ashton has joined her, "as long as it's not in Deansgate ?"
YOU ARE READING
Settle Down
Romance"She came and it was two in the morning. She'd been crying. She started screaming in my backyard. She was yelling for me to let her in while I had never met her before. Mate, she was nuts. She wore that fucking purple dress. You know, the dark one...
