It's eleven at night, and while Ashton is setting his bag on the rented room's bed, Hayden sits on the windowsill still staring at the sea.
"We could drive to Edinburgh the day after tomorrow." Ahs says from afar, taking his shirt off and folding it back in his backpack. "Yeah?" he tries, eventually looking for an answer or at least just a nod from her before losing it.
"Hayden what's up?"
Drifting. Her eyes aren't screwing up, she doesn't have a hint of drug or alcohol in her blood and yet, it feels like she's underneath already. Her legs move before she can account for it. She gathers her hair back in a top knot and pushes Ashton on the bed. Too hard, too fast. He doesn't react at first and slowly lets it all happen to him. Ash doesn't say anything as she undresses him, takes off the clothes she was wearing, and straps her legs to his. He lets her hands cover him but doesn't move, doesn't kiss her, he's trying to understand what's happening. The hurt he's feeling right now is strong, he hadn't felt sad like this in a long time.
It's only when he sees the tears gathering in her eyes that he finally moves. He sits straight, pulling her even closer to him, and holds onto Hayden fiercely. She sits on his lap and try to escape his gaze, hiding herself almost. He cups her face quickly, pushing back rebel strands of her hair. And he looks for her eyes. "What is wrong?" he whispers, breaking the silence. "What is wrong?", he repeats again, louder this time, until her tears finally crash against their skin.
"If you don't speak to me I can't help you Hayden. And if I can't help you, then I'm useless." He stops there, finally holding her gaze now. The green of his eyes darken as he tries to enter her brain it seems. She sits there in silence for a few seconds before bringing a hand to wipe the tears from her cheeks. Ashton lifts his fingers from her chin as she remains calm, and uses his thumb to try and erase the traces that her makeup is currently leaving around her face. He finally takes a deep breath and starts again. "Months of rehab had me wondering how you were doing outside. I should have just been thinking about how to go on, how to heal. But I just asked myself every fucking night if you had a safe place to stay." He's holding onto her so tight, he hopes he isn't hurting her. But he needs her eyes. He needs them to see the honesty in his, the fear in his voice, the trembling of his lips. He needs Hayden to notice that he is doing everything he can right now for the both of them. "If I had noticed before, the hurt, the bruises, the pain-" he stops himself from going any further. He decides he'll shut up now, and will just hold her.
Although she already knows everything Ash had just said, Hayden finds comfort in his words. She firmly believes them, knowing they make it harder for her to use again. Ashton was never her antidote. But he was the coach. the guy who stood besides her, not caring if she was puking her life into a bucket. He would forever be the guy who helped her get rid of the drugs in her system. But would he do it again ?
YOU ARE READING
Settle Down
Romance"She came and it was two in the morning. She'd been crying. She started screaming in my backyard. She was yelling for me to let her in while I had never met her before. Mate, she was nuts. She wore that fucking purple dress. You know, the dark one...
