Sanders Sides Pride One Shots

Day 3 - Affirmations (Logicality)

Trigger warnings:  Nightmare,  crying,  

~~~

Patton shot up in bed, gasping for air. Tears streamed down his cheeks and he hid his face in his hands. He took deep breaths, trying to calm down. Sobs wracked through his whole body.

He'd been having this nightmare for a while now. The other sides and Thomas stood around him in a circle, watching him cry. They chanted things like, 'why are you crying, Patton', 'you're meant to be the happy one, Patton' and 'why aren't you smiling, Patton'. They chanted it over and over, scaring Patton and upsetting him further. He felt that the nightmare was a reflection of what he felt in real life. Despite working past this issue, he still knew the others expected him to be happy all of the time.

To compensate, he had posters with positive affirmations all over his wall. Once he'd calmed himself down, he stared at them, trying to cheer himself up. But, they just weren't as good as the real thing.

Just like every night, he thought of Logan. They'd been dating for a while now but Logan was unaware of these nightmares Patton was having. Patton didn't want to bother him with them, and was scared what he'd think if he told him. Would he be upset? Upset that Patton though Logan didn't care about him? Upset that Patton didn't think Logan loved him?

Patton shook off those thoughts. Every single night he tried to get back to sleep, but recently he'd wanted to go through to Logan's room. This was the night. All he had to do was walk down the hall, knock on Logan's door and ask him for help. So why was it so hard? He didn't want to disturb Logan while he's sleeping, he didn't want to accidentally wake up the others, he didn't want the others to hear and worry. 

The thoughts raced through his mind, showing no sign of stopping. So Patton threw caution to the wind and swung his legs off his bed and crept out of his door. He sneaked down the hall to Logan's room, taking extra care when passing Roman and Virgil's doors.

He stood in front of Logan's door and took a deep breath. He rubbed his eyes, trying to remove any sign he had been crying. He knocked lightly and held his breath. He heard the bed creaking and groaning. He knocked again. Footsteps made their way to the door, and he was met with a very drowsy Logan.

Patton's eyes widened, seeing Logan's slightly annoyed expression. "I'm sorry, Logan. I'll go."

He tried to walk away, but felt someone grab his arm and pull him back. Logan tugged him into his room and he closed the door behind him. They stood very close, looking into each other's eyes. The intensity was strange for them, their relationship was still new and they were only just settling into it.

"Lo- I..." Patton tried to find words, any at all. He wanted to ask what was happening, he wanted to apologise again, he wanted to say something, anything. But he couldn't.

"Patton, you can talk to me. There is something clearly bothering you. I will always be here for you."

Patton looked further into his boyfriend's eyes, and saw sincerity, and a vulnerability he'd never seen from Logan before. Suddenly, tears filled his eyes and he launched forward, wrapping his arms around Logan's torso. He buried his face in Logan's chest and sobbed. Logan held him, one hand in the small of his back, one playing with the hair on the back of his neck in an attempt to calm him. 

They stood like that for ages. Patton calmed down, having finished gasping after crying. Logan still held him close.

"Can we.. can we sit down?" Patton asked, voice shaky and raw.

Instead of responding, Logan picked him up, waiting for Patton to wrap his legs around his waist, and walked over to the bed. He sat down, still holding on tight . Patton tucked his forehead into Logan's shoulder, trying to collect words to talk to him.

"Logan, I... I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. You have something on your mind and came to me to talk about it. If you are still comfortable to do so, I will hear you out."

Patton sighed. "I've been having these nightmares. They're terrifying and I usually can't sleep after them. Going to sleep scares me and I don't know how to stop them. I can't keep living like this-" his throat tightened.

"Can you describe them?" Logan sat patiently while he waited for Patton's response.

"Promise you won't be mad?"

Logan's heart ached, an unfamiliar feeling. He assumed it was caused by how broken Patton sounded. He wasn't used to hearing Patton like this. He knew Patton wasn't happy all of the time, and he didn't expect him to be, but it still metaphorically broke his heart to hear Patton so upset.

"Of course I won't, that would be illogical." He placed his words carefully, trying to prevent his voice breaking.

"Well, I'm sat in a dark void. You, Virgil, Roman and Thomas are there, standing around me. You all yell things at me, telling me I should be happy all the time. It hurts, because I can't... I can't do that. As much as I want to-"

"We would never expect that from you Patton." Logan gently pulled him back, to talk to him face to face. "We'd, or I'd prefer to help you than have you ignore your feelings."

"It must be easy for you," Patton blurted out. His eyes widened and he buried his head back in Logan's shoulder.

"What is 'easy' for me?"

Patton sighed and muttered, "not having emotions..."

Logan chucked. "As much as I would like to believe I don't, I do. That was proven all too well when I developed romantic feelings for you. I realised that having no feelings wasn't healthy, and that it was much better to experience them."

Patton blushed, and pulled back, smiling at his boyfriend. He lightly tapped his nose, "you have a crush on me."

Logan's face went dark red and he cleared his throat, trying to retain some composure. "I thought that was established by now, you are my boyfriend, after all."

Patton let out a content hum and yawned.

"You should probably sleep though. You can stay here, if it will help?"

Patton nodded, and Logan fell back into the bad, keeping Patton close. Needless to say, they both got plenty of sleep that night, and the next night, and many nights after.

~~~

If you look closely, you can see that I had no idea what I was doing.

I haven't been able to upload the past four days due to being away without WiFi or Mobile Data.