Void // Billie Eilish

Seven

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Billie
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"So, like, what's the deal with you and Alexis?"

I glance at Maia then look down at my phone again while I scroll through instagram. "There is no deal with me and Alexis anymore."

"Bullshit."

I just shrug and don't look up from my phone. She'll see straight through my bullshit the second I let her look into my eyes; not that she hasn't caught it already. "Believe what you wanna believe."

Maia just scoffs quietly, "So it doesn't bother you at all that she went out with her ex-girlfriend last night?"

"No," I mumble and clench my jaw slightly at the mention of Shay. "They didn't even go out, they just talked a bit at the party."

"They went out when they left the party," Maia says and that gets me to look up. "Oh, now you're interested," she teases and I give her a glare.

"How do you know they went out?"

"I saw on Shay's snap story," she says and I scoot closer to her.

"Lemme see."

She opens up snapchat on her phone and scrolls for a second before passing it to me. I click on the circle next to Shay's contact and watch the video that pops up. In the first one, Shay is filming Alexis take a massive bite out of a burrito, and Lexi clearly doesn't notice the camera on her as she munches happily. When she notices it she blushes cutely and puts her hand up to cover the camera, and there's a giggle in the background before it ends. Next is a picture of Lexi sitting on the hood of her car, looking out over the sparkling lights of downtown LA at night with the caption 'maybe i missed this girl'. She looks so cute, all bundled up in an oversized hoodie with a genuine smile on her face as she admires the view.

You could've been there with her instead if you weren't such an ass last night.

I pass Maia her phone when the video ends and don't say anything, going straight back to scrolling through my instagram and avoiding Maia's gaze.

"You're still in love with her," she says after a moment of silence and I shake my head. "Yes you are."

"And how would you know that?" I challenge and drop my phone into my lap so I can look at her.

"I've known you for almost ten years, you don't have to say something out loud for me to catch on," she says and I sigh softly because she's right, there's no use trying to lie to her.

"Okay, part of me is still in love with her. But that doesn't mean I want to get back together and be all cute and sappy and committed and shit."

Maia rolls her eyes slightly. "But you do want that; you're just scared," she insists and I frown.

"Don't tell me what I want."

"If I don't, you'll just keep lying to yourself."

I huff in frustration and push myself up from the bed, just wanting out of this conversation. "You know how fucking long it took me to be happy again after I lost Lexi the first time, why the fuck should I risk all my progress just like that? For all I know I'll just get hurt again, and a second time would destroy me."