Void // Billie Eilish

Fifteen

~
Billie
~

"Okay let's run through all of that again," Kian, my choreographer says while wiping some of the sweat from his forehead.

"The whole thing?" I ask through pants, feeling almost completely out of breath. I lift my hand to wipe my forehead too and groan in protest when he nods. "I can't."

"Billie, your tour starts in less than a month," he says impatiently; as if I don't fucking know that already.

I can't dance the way I used to obviously, not with the amount of injuries I've endured, but my team put me through intense physical therapy on my "break" so I'd be fit enough to do some more rigorous choreography on my newest tour. It's been a challenge for sure, and there have been days where I've wanted to quit, but overall it has been really rewarding and I'm excited to show what I've been working on when I'm on tour.

I have mixed feelings about tour. I'm really excited for parts, dreading other parts, and confused another other parts. For example, I'm confused about how I feel about the fact Lexi is probably coming. It's not her in particular, it's just that when you spend a lot of time with people in small spaces where you can't get away from them, like tourbusses and hotel rooms, it often puts a strain on things. I say probably coming because she doesn't technically have a job on the tour team yet, but I'm pushing really hard for her to get one and, after all, it's my tour.

It's my tour.

"I need a break," I say firmly and walk off the stage before he can protest. I grab the water bottle from my duffle bag and sit down on the floor as I drink from it eagerly, shifting uncomfortably when I feel my hair sticking to my sweaty skin and my head spinning slightly.

After chugging some water down I grab my phone and check my messages, seeing some from Lexi first that make me smile.

Lexi: wtf the pap pics of us from friday are so hot maybe TMZ went off *image attached*
Lexi: like at least we look fire when they invade our privacy n shit
Lexi: ur fit that day 🔥🤤 i keep starin

I let out an amused puff of air and smile as I text back to tell her I'm on my break so she can call if she's on her break too, then go back to look at my other messages. My smile drops when I see the ones from Devon.

Dev: you really been dating that bitch trey was telling me about?
Dev: "scared of commitment" my ass you dragged me along for months just to bullshit me and go date someone else huh?
Dev: nah fuck staying friends

I feel guilty instantly, because this would be really bad from his perspective. We messed around casually for a long time and a few months in he asked to make things more serious, but I turned him down. He'd keep trying occasionally and I'd always shut him down by saying I just don't do commitment, it's not anything wrong with him. In fact I told him that not too long ago, but now here I am in an exclusive thing with Lexi.

Billie: dev i'm sorry i get how this looks but you have to understand how much history i have with her
Billie: like crazy history
Billie: ur a good guy n i really care about u ok? pls don't hate me

I sigh sadly to myself but then perk up when my phone buzzes in my hand and Lexi's name pops up on my screen. Her contact picture always makes me smile, because it's of her with Addy in her lap and shitty makeup all over her face.