Mia in Wales // Leondre Devries

Part 1

I lie in my bed, wide awake, and watch the moon shadowing silhouettes on the wall. Like always, i have too much on my mind and just can't sleep, again. I'm thinking of how our England-trip is nearly over and how boring it'll be when I'm home again, going to the same old school, wearing the same old clothes and being the same old me, without real friends. It was my big dream to get to know England and its beautiful places, and when I finished middle school, my parents and my little sister surprised me with this trip. It was beautiful and I enjoyed every second of it. We've seen so much: green hills, mystical landscapes, castles, cathedrals and old cities. My expectations have been more than just answered and I was finally able to forget space and time and just enjoy the here and now. I still feel this special happiness and it's just this feeling of finally being home.

I shake my head vigorously, such crazy talk is not something I'd normally do. Actually, I'm a very rational and realistic person. Speaking of which, I start to think about my life, what I achieved until now, and what I have been through to get to where I am now. My graduation, which is basically the whole reason for this trip, has been anything but easy. The last months, if not years have been hell. I have been diagnosed with a learning disorder early on, which was basically the reason for why I needed a bit more time than everybody else at school. Eventually, we found good solutions for school, but none of them helped me find friends. I always felt different, excluded from the other students. I often felt watched, even though I tried to fit in, to adapt, but nothing worked. When I think about the last several months, I feel like I've been wearing a mask or something. My classmates often teased and bullied me about my insecurities.

My biggest wish has always been to find a best friend, boy or girl, with whom I can be who I am without worrying about being rejected. Unfortunately, that is still just a dream.
Well now I won't sleep, that's for sure. For the first time during this trip, I have been thinking of this hard time again. Most likely, because there are only a few days left of this great trip before we have to go back home again. We are currently at the coastal region in Southern Wales, near to Swansea, and in a few days I'll be back in Switzerland.

Suddenly, I am overwhelmed by the want to go for a walk, to get some fresh air and maybe dismiss all the bad thoughts. Luckily, our hotel is at the shore, so I can go for a blow.

I change my clothes quickly, nobody here knows me, after all, so I don't really care about what I'm wearing. I put a black ripped jeans and an old oversized hoodie on, in which I feel so secure.

Slowly and carefully, I step down the stairs, trying to not wake up my parents or even my sister, who would snitch on me the second she sees that I'm sneaking out. Just when I reached the door, I notice that I forgot my trainers and my phone in my room upstairs, but it's too late to go back now, so i just put on some flip-flops and open the door, carefully...