Forbidden love (FrUK)

Chapter twelve

I placed my chin on my palm a little frustrated, hopefully, she does not know who it really is. I left my study to figure out where Francis was until I finally caught sight of him by the room he will be staying in. 

"Arthur, you did not have to have me stay."
"Do not worry; if you traveled all the way here to London, you might as well stay a couple of days." Francis looked saddened, though. "What is it?" I asked worriedly. "Can we talk somewhere private? I would not want anyone to be suspicious of us." 

I nodded, agreeing, and we went into his room.
Once in, I closed the door and stared at each other quietly.
Francis grabbed my hands and stared into my eyes.
"Mon Cher, being apart from you is like stabbing myself in the heart multiple times. I can not bare even to see you get married to another"
"Well...I"
"Do not speak; I want you to know I understand now. It will never be," Francis grew extremely sad.
"Oh fuck it all, it has been too long," I placed my hands on his shoulders fast, seeing his eyes grow wider. I pulled him into a kiss, and we lost balance and fell to the floor. 

"I can not bare to see you like this, Francis; forgive me, for one day we will be together, even if it means after death or for a few short minutes. Caring deeply for one another is nothing we could have controlled, and for that...I am eternally grateful," I kissed him once more before standing up to pull him up. 

"Now then.....I shall be off; maybe tonight we can chat more?" I asked, placing my hand on the knob. 

"Wait! Do not leave yet," Francis grabbed my hand, turning me around and pulling me into a dip.
"Arthur, if you really do feel that way, then let us leave somewhere far away, even if we have to keep running; I would gladly do it, to spend the rest of my life with you in my arms." He caresses my face tenderly. 

"Francis, I wish it were that easy," I placed my hand in his hair and stroked it gently.
"It is mon amour; you are just afraid," hearing that made my eyes widen with the realization he was right. I am afraid; I am afraid to lose my life and him. Choosing to stay on the path I am on seems to be the better option that would not entirely lead to heartbreak and sadness. To stay away from the path beside Francis would mean our lives would be in danger and that seeing him in a calm matter would no longer exist. 

"You are right, I am afraid; I am afraid that my love will kill us both; I am not strong enough to see you and me be put to death for some feelings," I cupped his cheeks and tried to explain.
"I wish to be with you, but I am also afraid to lose you," I added. Francis finally understood why I would not dive into my feelings with him.
"Oui....Arthur." 

We separated, and I placed it on the door again.
"We will talk more later," I nodded to him.
Once I left, I headed back to my study. Hopefully, Francis will be okay; I hope he knows he can visit me whenever. I sat in my chair and looked at the bundle of letters. I wonder why he is deciding to give these to me. I pulled the bundle toward me and started to pull the string holding it together off. There were probably a little less than a hundred letters in the bundle. I pulled out the oldest one and opened it to read it.

"Dear Arthur,
As I write this letter to you, I try and save myself but can not; I do not plan to send you this letter, for it will make my love for you worse. If I started to get that sense of hope once more, it will almost break me apart. I will only imagine you read this at your desk, looking beautiful as ever. I understand we can never be together, but I wish there were another way. Another way to be open with you, another way to love you."

I finished reading the letter and grew sad. Although his letters were usually short, they always had much sadness and love. Like the feeling of being miserable was seeping through the letter.
I took out the recent one and opened it; it was dated a week ago.

"Dear Arthur,
I have heard of your engagement to marry. I could not sleep for days, and I am on my last limb with you. Loving you is difficult; you may wonder as to why and simply, it is because of the unbearable misery I go through trying to love you or get you just to love me back. I hate loving you, but the thought of your existence sends endless bliss and shivers down my spine. The thought of you makes me fill the empty void in my heart. The one you are capable of filling. I do not want you to marry mon amour; I could not bare the thought or sight of it. I can not handle seeing my love live a life of eternity with someone else, especially one to whom there is no love. My dearest Arthur, this thought swells in my soul as I try to forget the unbelievable amount of love I have for you. If you were to read this letter, it would be a dream to know that you read my feelings and my cries to be able to be with the only person whom is dearest to my heart, that person being you."

I felt tears trickle down my cheek.
"How could he be doing this to himself?" I cried into my palms. He is unbelievable.

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