How Do I Breathe Like This?

Why Me?

For the first time i finally was happy i had two best friends that were there for me i had a sweet boyfriend but he had to try to step out of the friend zone he made it my boyfriend left when jose tried i fell for jose just like abby did but things were different with him whenever he isnt around my heart physical hurts like something is missing wwhy must it be like this? i had evrything planed out now im lying to everyone else saying that me and jose are just best friends but reallly i am just another girl to him he loves when  girls are all over him and shiz i just dont want my name to be on the list of girls but i know my heart will be broken by him sooner or later i wanna get out but jose is like a drug my drug that i cant live without the drug that gets you hooked with just the smell or a little taste just a look at him can make you want him i dont wanna get hurt but im in too deep to stop or to do anything about it he is known as the player he "breaks up" couples my brain is telling me to just leave it all behind but my heart is telling me to hold him close and dont let go of him

Someone help me i cant do this on my own im dying for this to be over