Never Been Said

Epilogue

Pero alam niyo ba kung anong nareceive ko? Wala. Katulad pa rin ng dati. Nag-like sign lang sya. WTH! Ang gago lang. Sobrang duwag!

It was really a great destruction. Without a warning, what we used to have starts to fade. Little by little he became cold and became distant to me. I couldn't seem to understand why this happened. I tried to ask but I didn't get the answer I needed. I tried to reach out to him. But it was just like the wind, he vanished in just a snap. I never heard an explanation. I never heard his response. It just happened, though I didn't want it to end. I was hurt. Maybe because I have invested too much emotions, even though I know it will lead to nothing.

Sometimes it is really hard to just go with the flow. It is like riding a bus without knowing its destination. You just want to travel. You enjoyed the trip but in the end you got confused wondering where it leads you. The worst thing is that you do not know how to go back. It is like enjoying the water but as you go on swimming, you will find yourself drowning because you reached the deepest part of the ocean. And it's too late to notice that you are not wearing a life vest.

And that was the last time we exchanged messages. Hindi ko na rin kaya eh. Weighing between happiness and pain, pain weighs greater than happiness. Nasasaktan na ako. Sobra. The more I get acquainted with him lalo lang akong nalulunod sa sama ng loob at sakit. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit hindi nya sabihin sa akin. Ganun ba kahirap sabihin ang totoo?

February 1, 2019. After a month of having no communication, I was hurt of what I saw on his Instagram post. He was with the girl named Felixiah Alonte. I recognized the girl, she was the same girl he was with last November 22 at the same place we were together, sa Firelfy Roofdeck. Ganun nya ako kabilis napalitan. In the picture, there was a stem of rose on the table. It can also be noticed that he was not wearing the watch anymore. Blood! And the caption, it was from the lyrics of Tadhana. It was very obvious that he has something for the girl. I stalked her, they knew each other a long time ago, parang mas nauna pa nyang makilala sken si ate girl. Rich kid eh, graduated from FEU.

Bagay sila.

And that broke my heart. 

Kaya pala.

No response is a response. It's a powerful one. 

Sabi ko na eh, being busy is just a lame excuse. Tama nga si M.A. Buendia, if they say they are not available or they can't make it, but they don't suggest another date or time, they are simply not interested. There are several days in a month or year. Nobody can be that so busy. The best people are those who don't make it hard for you coz they make time.

Masakit sa akin na ganito ang makikita. Andami kong tanong. Bakit? Ano yung sa amin before? Wala lang ba yun? Sana binigyan nya man lang ng linaw ang lahat para hindi ako mukhang tanga dito na isip ng isip kung anong nangyari. Kasalanan ko ba? Ano ba ang mga nagawa kong mali bakit? Sana man lang kung talagang wala eh sinabi nya. He should have told me those things I needed to hear. He should clear things out kahit pa it may hurt me. Ang sakit eh. I have been with him for a long time, but in just a snap he just disappeared at iiwanan na ako sa ere. Ang sakit! Fucking shit!

To avoid from too much pain, I unfollowed him in all social media, instagram and facebook. My friends were telling me to unfriend and block him but I don't want to. Gusto ko kasing makita nya na masaya ako kahit wala sya. Iunfollow ko lang so that I won't see his post with his new girl. Not until April when I noticed that he unfriended me on facebook. WTH! Sya pa talaga may ganang mang-unfriend di ba? Am I a threat? Hindi ko na nga sila pinapakealaman, we cut our connection. Bakit kailangan iunfriend? Ang sakit lang sa pakiramdam na kahit hindi na kami naging okay eh I still consider him as a friend, pero ako pala kahit kaibigan ay hindi nya tinuring na kaibigan.