Never Been Said

Part 4

November 31, 2017

Treat or Trick ng mga bata sa SM. Before that day, her sister messaged me asking if I have a crown that she can borrow for Candixe, her daughter and niece of Melchi. Wala akong crown honestly. But I told her that I will try to ask my friend. Guess what, bumili ako ng crown para lang may maipahiram ako sa pamangkin nya. Di naman kamahalan yung crown, around P120.00 lang naman yun. Pumunta ako during the event para maibigay yung crown. Kasama rin nila yung Tita niya, si Tita Feliza and si Tita Trixie. Nagtataka na siguro sila kung sino ako. Bakit lagi akong kasama ni Melchi. Pero ang hirap talagang gumalaw kasi hindi naman niya ako ipinakilala ng maayos.

If I were going to count the times we see each other in a month siguro hindi lang yun 3 times. Parang every weekend na he will come home, we will meet and magfofoodtrip.

December 23, 2017.

Nasa SM kami, dito na ulit sa Lucena. On our stroll, nakita at nakasalubong na naman namin si Sir Theos, palabas kami nun ng Bench Store.

"Uy, Kayziah! Aba magkasama na naman kayo ah.", he teased. "Kumusta ang buhay may boyfriend?", he asked me again.

"Si Sir ba. Ikaw ang kumusta?", instead of answering what he was asking.

"Sagutin mo muna ang tanong ko, kumusta naman ang buhay may boyfriend?", tanong na naman nya. Hindi ko talaga alam ang isasagot. I looked at him, he was just smiling at natatawa. "Kayo na ba?", he asked again.

"Huyyy ohh.. tamu si Sir Theos...", baling ko sa kanya while grabbing his arm. Asking for his help. Kasi naha-hot seat na po ako. Pero tinatawanan nya lang ako.

"Sir hindi po.", sagot ko nalng para tumigil na sya.

"Kayziah wag mo na pakawalan yan si Josh. (Referring to Melchi)Madaming pera yan, kaya ka nan yang buhayin. Mabait pati yan.", he said.

KAunting kamustahan and we drifted apart na ulit. I changed the topic na ulit as we drifted apart. Naiilang na naman ako. hindi ako ready para pag-usapan yung ganung bagay. Kahit there's a part of me that would really like to ask him, "hey! Are we dating? Hey! Are you into me? Ano ba intention mo? Why do we see each other so often??" Kaso HINDI KO KAYA! Anxiety attacks! I was so scared na baka sabihin nya ang feeling ko naman. Eh di ba sabi nga, NEVER ASSUME UNLESS OTHERWISE STATED. Pinanindigan kong hindi magtanong and I was just waiting if he has something to confess.

December 28, 2017.

I was in Manila again. This time, I asked him if we can hang out. That time kasi meron syang pasok sa office. Sabi nya agapan na lang daw nya ang out, hindi daw sya mag-oovertime.

5:00PM nag-out na nga sya. We met along Ayala Avenue. Hindi pa kami magkakitaan kasi I don't know where I was. Sabi nya picturan ko daw yung place kung nasan ako.

Okay. Alam ko na. Stay ka lang jan. Puntahan kita. – he sent.

Then after few minutes, I saw him standing right next to me, wearing his handsome smile.

We started walking going to Ayala Triangle para mapanood ang Dancing Lights. Yun talaga yung inaabangan ko every year eh. I was so amazed by the dancing lights. Higit dun, I was with this wonderful person na dati eh nakikita ko lang naman sa facebook. We took selfie, a lot of selfies. Nakakaamaze!

Pumunta rin kami sa Glorietta at dun kami nagdinner. Along our way, may nakasalubong kaming nagtitinda ng rose. Bumili siya at binigay nya saken. Ma'am, para sa'yo! He said. And I was shocked! Shocked kasi it was just my imagination. Walang ganung eksena. Umiling lang siya when the boy asked him "Boss bili ka na ng rose." Well, I was not even expecting naman. Hindi naman kasi siya nanliligaw eh di ba. This is the reason why I really didn't have the guts to ask him anything about us. What he's doing was not enough for me to take the chance to ask him. Pakiramdam ko lang kasi eh mapapahiya lang ako.

After we had our dinner, nag-ikot ikot pa kami around the area ng Mall. Then napapunta kami sa may gilid ng Landmark. May napuntahan kaming chapel, sakto may misa. Umabot kami. Second chapel na napuntahan ko na kasama siya. Hindi ko alam alam kung anong name nung Chapel na yun.

Naglakad lang kami pauwi. Hinatid nya ulit ako pauwi sa apartment ni Charie.

Salamat ulit sa paghatid. Ingat ka pag-uwi. Chat ka pag nakauwi ka na. – Message I sent him after we drifted apart.

Thank you. :) Waiting pa ng bus. – He replied.

December 31, 2017.

The night before year ends, he asked me kung pwede daw ako tomorrow, nagyayaya daw si Candixe magmall. Who am I to refuse? Syempre it's a yes! (Ayan na naman tayo sa laging yes!)

Year-end bonding with him and with his sister and pamangkin. Sama naman agad sa akin yung dalawang bata when they saw me. Akay ko both hands yung dalawang batang sobrang kulit at likot. But I really enjoyed their company. Sumakay kami nung train, naglaro sa Worlds of Fun and Quantum. Naiilang ako sa ate nya honestly, hindi kasi siya masyadong palaimik. Nakangiti naman always, pero she barely talks to me. Alam mo yun? Kaya there were times na naiisip ko na hindi ako bet nito, sometimes I feel na pinapakisamahan lang ako kasi I'm with his brother. Pero mabait naman sya. I don't have anything to say against her. She did nothing wrong with me. Naiilang lang talaga ako. Sobrang tahimik ko rin. Ngingiti lang ako. At yun, kinakalaro ko na lang yung mga bata.

The day went well and I enjoyed the moment with them.

Days passed. Same events. Palagi pa rin kaming magkachat. Nagkikita and all. Masaya naman. Masaya kasi di ba, he became part of my everydays. Pero bakit ganun, as time passed by, I was not comfortable anymore. Kasi as days passed, nasasanay na ako. Nasasanay na ako na lagi syang kausap, nasasanay na ako na lagi kaming nagkikita, masaya naman di ba pero ang hirap lang na hindi ko alam kung anong meron sa amin. Nakakatakot umasa. Nakakatakot magtanong. Consistent good morning and goodnight messages, consistent sending of pictures of what he ate on his breakfast, lunch and dinner, updating me his whereabouts, consistent asking me if I have my dinner already and telling me "ingat" whenever I tell him I'm on my way to school and home. Are those enough for me to ask him what's going on? But he never tells me he likes me. How can I get the courage to ask him?? I couldn't.

My mind was telling me that if a guy really likes you, he will pursue you and he will never make you feel confused. If a guy truly likes you, you will know. There will be no guessing game. So I just waited for him to take the action.

2018 came.

Imagine! We met in 2015 yet we still together in 2018. Oops! An unclear togetherness.