✓ | battle wounds, scott m.

chapter thirteen.

trigger warning: this chapter contains self harm.

The Stilinski twins sat across one another, a pizza box set in the middle of them. "You know Scott still hasn't seen Star Wars?" Stiles asked in disbelief. "What's the big deal? So what if he hasn't seen it. A lot of people have not seen Star Wars. I'm sure Lydia hasn't," Ella chuckled, looking down at the pizza slice on her plastic plate. "Don't bring her into this, okay. The 'big deal' is that if he hasn't seen Star Wars than he's not the one for you. Simple as that," Stiles shrugged, taking a couple of bacon cheese fries and placing them in his mouth. "I choose who I'd like to date, not you," Ella pointed at Stiles. "Um, excuse me, I'm the big brother taking care of the younger sister," Stiles said, emphasizing the word 'younger', "And so, I take part in who you date. Now, you and Scott. He's like the Han to your Leia."

"Stop making Star Wars references for everything we talk about, Mi–" "Don't you dare," Stiles cut Ella off. Ella smiled, looking down at her lap as Stiles shoved another piece of pizza into his mouth. He then stood up, "I'ma go see what movie is on." Ella nodded, then noticed Stiles stop, "You've gotta eat, Ella." Ella clenched her teeth, yet took the pizza slice in front of her and took a bite, pretending to chew on it before Stiles was out of sight. Ella took her napkin and spit the pizza piece into it, brushing the napkin against her tongue. She shivered, squeezing her eyes shut and saying a sorry to who knows who. . to herself. Ella stood up slowly, her delicate hands trailing along the table as she walked to the living room to see Stiles deep into Twilight: New Moon.

Ella chuckled softly, throwing a fluffy blanket to Stiles who quickly caught it and wrapped himself in it. She shook her head and walked up the stairs and into her room, closing the door. Ella slipped off Stiles's sweatshirt and threw it onto her gray covers, walking to her full length mirror in the corner of her room. She licked her lips, taking a deep breath and saw her ribs peek through her skin. She let the air out and sighed, running her fingers down from the bottom of her sports bra to her hipbones that were barely beginning to burst through Ella's pale skin. She tapped the small mole she had on her left hip bone, turning around and looking over her shoulder to see faint details of her spine. She bit her lip and turned back around, walking to her dresser to pull out a pair of shorts and a baggy Five Seconds of Summer shirt, the holes on each side going down to below the bottom of her bra. Ella's tongue placed itself at the corner of her mouth, a habit of Ella's. Ella walked to the smaller dresser beside her bed and took out a pair of black socks, slipping them on then sliding across the room to her restroom.

She popped her lips as she looked herself in the mirror and flinched back. Her purple under eye circles were not a pretty sight, and she really needed to do a nose peel for her blackheads. Pretty soon she'd have to do her eyebrows as well, and she needed to remind herself to drink more water. Even more. Ella opened the cabinet behind her mirror, revealing many bottles of medication and a couple of razors on every other shelf. Ella picked up a razor and placed it on her sink counter, counting to ten before she remembered that she had promised Scott that she wouldn't do it again. But then she thought, 'Does he really care for me?' Ella thought that Scott had only said, 'I love you too,' to be nice. And during the terrifying moment that almost lead to death, he had looked at her with a spark in his eyes. Only Ella hadn't noticed it. Ella only noticed that his eyes flickered over her shoulders a couple times to look at Allison. Why couldn't she be enough for him? Why couldn't she be the perfect brunette with beautiful brown eyes.

The girl who's always brave and who is always the voice of everyone, speaking when no one else had the words to say. The girl that always kept her head up, the girl that had kissed the lips that Ella has been wanting to feel against hers for. . she lost count of the years. Ella chewed on the inside of her cheek, putting down the top of the toilet and taking a seat on it, staring at the razor on the sink counter. 'Why can't I be as perfect as Allison? Why can't I have Scott to myself? Why can't Scott see that I've always been here for me and have always had these feelings that I can't get rid of no matter how hard I try? Why can't he see that I'm in so much pain because I have to keep my feelings a secret because friendship lasts longer than love? Why can't he just tell me that he loves. . and not in a brotherly way but in a way that says, 'I want to be with you until the end of time.' Why can't he see that I love him. . and will continue to until the end of time?'