Quench My Desire

2 bad months later...or is it?

It's been 2 months, and life has turn for the worst. I don't know what to do. I went from wanting an abortion, to changing my mind and keeping them, to losing them. All of them.

My heart is shattered. I quit dancing. I went back to California. So many memories were held back in Japan that I didn't even want to remember.

I lost something that I can never have again. And you know for some reason, I've lost Michael.

We've grown apart and I hate it. He never spoke to me after we found out about the miscarriages. Maybe once or twice, but that was it, and for two months straight?

I'm hurting and I need him. I can tell he's hurting too. I hear him crying every night. I don't know what to do, I don't feel like I deserve him or anything.

I just need to go. Go with the wind and let it take me. Wherever it takes me I'm fine with. I'll let it direct the way to where it'll lead me. I need to go home.

I need my parents and sister. I need their support and love. I've been depressed for way to long, and sitting and lying around will not solve any of my problems.

Which leads me to my current situations. Michael walked into the bedroom with lipstick on his cheek.

Not in the mood to argue or do anything, I walked to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror and sighed.

Michael walks in and walks past me. A wind of air hit my nostrils and I smell liquor. It's disgusting. It's also very strong. I turn around and look at him very closely.

His eyes are bloodshot red, he can barely stand on his two feet, and he's staring at me with fire in his eyes. An that's when he started yelling.

Great😒😔😣

I have a migraine, and he's not doing anything but making it worst.

"Can you stop yelling Michael? Please?"

"SHUT UP. YOU DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!"

"Excuse me?"

"YOU HEARD ME. YOU MADE ME THIS WAY SOFIA."

"How did I make you this way?....You're drunk Michael." I walked passed him trying to exit the bathroom, but he grabbed my arm. Roughly.

"Let me go Michael." I said yanking my arm from him and going into the bedroom.

He went to the door and locked it. I went to the dresser and pulled out my night clothes.

"SOFIA!!"

I ignored him and continued to look through the drawers.

"SOFIA I KNOW YOU HEAR ME. ANSWER ME GIRL."

I've had it with him and his screaming. I can't take it anymore. Feels like someone is stabbing at my skull with a sharp knife and I can't stand it.

"MICHAEL STOP FUCKING YELLING!!"

"BITCH YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP. I HATE YOU SOFIA!! YOU KILLED OUR KIDS. YOU DID IT ON PURPOSE." I stopped what I was doing and looked at him. Yup, he definitely hit a nerve.

"You don't mean that Michael. I didn't kill our kids and you know that."

"YES YOU DID."

"NO, I didn't. I had a miscarriage.... Michael this isn't fair, why are you blaming me?"

"BECAUSE ITS TRUE!! I hate you."

"Well I wish I would have kept Zack's child and killed yours, since you feel this way. I shouldn't have never had sex with you. I should've never fell in love with you, I should have never forgave you when you cheated. All this time, I'm sitting around thinking that you love me and you don't. Fuck you Michael. I wish you would go die somewhere. I hate you. I'd spit and walk all over your grave if you did die. I wouldn't care. I hate you. None of this is my fault. Your never here anymore. You don't speak to me. When we found out about the babies you didn't tell me that I would be fine, or it wasn't my fault, you didn't support me through that rough time. Instead you blamed me. You blamed me for everything. Move out of my way Michael.....MOVEEE!!!"