What If I Said Yes!

6

His eyes met mine and my smile disappeared. He beckoned me to another room and I surely glanced upon his hand, no ring. I noticed him go to look at mine and instinctually covered it and followed him to the room over. It seemed like every step was making me forget why I said no in the first place, why I left him. And when I got to the room I needed to remember why I did. Pushing my hair behind my ear, I set the briefcase on the desk. 

L= Rory...

R= Logan I can't do this, we haven't talked in months and theres a reason for that

L= You think I don't know that Ace. You think I haven't evaluated my life, looked at all of my rapidness, and tried to change it. Rory I have tried to be better so I don't hurt anyone like this ever again.

I felt a tear threaten to leave my eye

R= You shouldn't have to change, you should be able to do good by your name and I never fit that role. I never was the pretty blonde who talked about economics and secretarial arts with your dad whilst avoiding your mothers smoking habits. I can't be that girl. Once upon a time, I thought that meant something to you. But then I realized I was holding you back.

L= Rory I want to be a man and say that I moved on but I didn't. I cried and thought about it everyday.

R= You were right Logan it was always all or nothing with you. I took the anger and tried to make it better. I took the dinners with people who seemed to be speaking a different language but knew exactly what you were saying. I saw the people that made you happy, not made you cry. I tried to make sense of all of the fights

L= Relationships are about it not always being easy.

R= Logan I wanted you, I needed you. And the idea of that scares me. I was so broken down and frail and all I wanted was unconditional love. And now that I'm at the point of my life where I could truly love someone, you aren't him

L= Maybe you're right. Maybe you just wanted me because you were desperate. Is that truly what you think I want to hear! I spent my world on you. I spent years getting to know the beautiful Rory Gilmore because it was the first thing I had ever wanted. Now you go and throw it away! Has it ever occurred to you what anyone else felt, what anyone else wanted. No! You walk into a situation so kind and so absolutely graceful that you capture everyones attention and go and trash it. Well I'm done! Thanks for absolutely flipping my life over over some stupid briefcase I already replaced like I should have done with other parts of my life!

As he walked out of the room I felt the wall I had put up fall. Everything I said was a lie. I lied about the way he made me feel, the way I felt myself screaming. The tears ruining the makeup I had taken so long to put on. Lane was wrong. The Rory that had just spoken to Logan was naive not strong, careless not careful, cowardly not brave, and mostly Lorelai not me.