All The Little Pieces

Set Her Free

Loki ran his hands through his hair. He walked to the bookshelf, then turned and paced to the fireplace and rested his head against the cool stone. He and Thor had arrived in Asgard last evening, but he had put off returning to the palace until late. Even then, much as he had longed for Elizabeth, he had gone straight to his chambers. He spent the night rolling Thor's words over and over in his mind, and as the first morning light crept into his room, gave up on sleep and had spent the last hour trying to force himself to go talk to her.

Loki finally lifted his head and walked resolutely to the door, opened it, and proceeded the short distance to Elizabeth's chambers. He knocked at the door, then opened it. "Elizabeth?"

"You're back!" Elizabeth jumped up from her chair, beaming, and rushed to throw her arms around him. He held her for a moment, then pulled back, resisting the urge to kiss her until they were both breathless, then carry her to bed and spend the day in each other's arms. He looked down at her face. "Come sit by me. I need to talk to you."

"Is everything all right?" She sounded only mildly concerned.

Wordlessly, Loki sat down on the chaise. The fingers of his right hand dug into the palm of his left. "I...Thor...um..." His stomach felt like a rock. He took a breath. This was going terribly. He shot a glance at Elizabeth. Now she looked worried. He tried again.

"Thor and I located a substance that can be used to rebuild the Bifrost," he began. "We ah, we brought it back and Heimdall is sure he can make it work."

He flicked his eyes up to her face. She was watching him expectantly. "Elizabeth, it's going to open up travel to Midgard again. You can go home very soon."

Still, she said nothing. The silence stretched.

Finally, she got up from the chaise and walked to the open window. She leaned on the sill with her back to him. "Do you want me to go?" Her voice sounded troubled.

Loki felt as if she had pushed a knife through his chest. He kept thinking of Thor's words—'set her free, she was never yours'—and drew a deep breath. "Midgard is your home. You belong there. You'll be happier there than here."

She turned and stared at him, brow furrowed. He couldn't even see her breathe, but the pulse in her neck was visible from across the room. "I thought, I, ah..." She lifted her chin.

Loki finished the thought for her. "I know, you thought you could never go home, but now you can." His smile threatened to break, but he kept on. "Heimdall will be starting in a few days, but he's not sure how long it will take to complete. Then you can go as soon as you like."

He had expected something, more reaction, more excitement, even denial if she didn't want to go. Instead, she looked up and took a deep breath before speaking in a flat voice. "So, you think I should go right away, then."

Loki's heart sank. She was going to leave him. Thor was right. She would rather be there. He kept his face expressionless. "As soon as you want. I'm sure you've been eager to get back home." He felt disconcerted at her lack of reaction and equally disconcerted at the painful pressure in his chest.

Elizabeth nodded. "Well...thank you for letting me know. I'll...talk to Heimdall." She paused. "Did you need anything else?"

"No...just ah, let me know if you need anything. Do you want me to come back this afternoon?" For the first time, Loki saw a spark of something cross her eyes, but it was gone before he could determine what it was.

"No, I think I'd rather be alone. Thanks anyway." She gestured at the door. "I'm really tired, so if you can let yourself out..."

He nodded woodenly, feeling disbelief and under it, agonizing sadness. "Of course. I'll go then. I'll see you at dinner?"

"Sure. Maybe." Before he was to the door, she turned away and walked up the steps to her bed.

Loki let himself out the door. The walk back to his room was a blur. He stepped in and locked the door, then leaned against it weakly. His whole body was trembling and he felt he might become physically ill in a moment. He walked to his bed and lay down across it, taking deep breaths to try to steady himself.

Why was this so hard? If he truly loved her, shouldn't he be happy for her? Not a single fiber of his being was happy. He kept seeing the empty expression on her face. What if he went back and begged her to stay with him? Maybe she didn't want to leave? He pushed the thought away. Of course she did. She lived her whole life in another world, of course she wanted to go back. It would be unfair and selfish for him to try to keep her here. If he really loved her, he could not hold her here.

His eyes fell on her robe laying by the fireplace, left behind two nights ago. Loki snatched it up, inhaling her scent, knowing it was last against her skin. He glanced down at the rug and bit back a sob at the thought of them together on the floor, her touching his blue skin, making him feel wanted and desirable and safe.

"I am yours. You mean the world to me. I would never leave." Her words rang through his mind, mocking the abandonment he felt. Loss and grief rushed through him, so sharp it was a physical pain. Loki lay down on the bed as harsh sobs shook him. He let the tears flow until he fell asleep, clutching the robe to his chest.