Tethering Angels

Chapter 4: The Movies

          Jimmy called or came to see me everyday, even just to say hello. I danced all day for most of the week and sometimes I had rehearsal for the community theater in the evenings. Nevertheless, I made time for Jimmy, and he made time for me through all this work around his family's farm and at the hardware store. He made me happier than I had ever been in my life. I wanted to tell the few friends I had about him, or at least someone who wouldn't roll their eyes.
          My opportunity came when my friends Ella and Patty and I went to see a movie together at the drive in theater. Patty and Ella were the two people I could always count on to watch a musical with me. There was a new movie musical out called The Happiest Millionaire. It was being produced by Disney, and their musicals were usually pretty good, so I had high hopes. I did not know much about it going in, and there were not many reviews out in the papers because it had only come out two days ago.
         As usual, I chauffeured my friends around, picking them up at their houses on opposite ends of town. Rosedale was small though, so it wasn't so terrible in comparison to what it could be. When we arrived we struck up a conversation about what we had been doing so far in the summer.
      "I have been working at the pool almost everyday," Ella explained. She was a lifeguard at a neighborhood pool. "Saving lives one day at a time."
     "Golly! Did you really save someone's life?" Patty asked enthusiastically.
      "No," Ella said, "Not yet this summer, anyway."
       "Well, you are amazing, so I'm sure people are automatically safer with you around," Patty gushed.
          I couldn't help but roll my eyes as I remembered all the unnecessarily dangerous, stupid things Ella had done throughout our friendship. One example included climbing across a river in March on a fallen tree with a whole bunch of little five year old scouts following behind her. The thing was, Patty only knew the high school version of Ella, who still did dumb things like that but it was labeled as brave, or daring rather than stupid and unnecessary, but whatever. Call me a scrooge, or say I don't know how to have fun, or even that I am jealous. I am not.
      "What are you doing this summer Patty?" I asked.
       "I am dancing everyday. Not that I think I will get to be the lead one of our upcoming ballets, but I at least want to be considered," Patty explained, "So I am going away to a summer program in New York in between dancing at Eastwall." Eastwall was the other dance studio in town besides mine.
        "New York? That's amazing, Patty!" I exclaimed.
         She shrugged as if she didn't care much, but her big smile that made her blue eyes sparkle through their happy squints showed her true enthusiasm. "Yeah, I guess it's pretty exciting."
          "I'm sure you have a shot at all the leads this year. You've worked your tail off all through high school," I reminded her.
          "Too bad that doesn't get you roles," she muttered.
           "I know, but it ought to," I said, "At least at my studio the roles get passed around a little bit."
           "That's nice," Patty's tone was condescending.
               The Eastwall girls always thought they attended the superior studio just because they were run by Russians. Their teachers were probably spies, but at least they were thin and had the total package of pretty feet, long limbs, and extreme flexibility. Comparing and mocking each other's studios was a little game Patty and I would play while Ella stood by, not quite understanding.
             "Do you know what this movie is about, Caroline?" Ella asked, rolling down her window to let the breeze in.
             "Not much. All I know is there is a man with a ton of money, a huge house full of strangeness, a nice Irish butler, and a daughter who tries to find love. I think it takes place just before the First World War," I explained.
             "I see," she nodded.
              We rolled down the windows as the movie started. I was immediately charmed by Tommy Steele as the dancing and singing Irishman, recently immigrated to Philadelphia. The movie moved more slowly than any musical I had ever seen. I was shocked at the length and the number of songs that did not help the plot at all. I guess this is many people's complaint with musicals in general, but this one seemed excessive. I did like the romance between the millionaire's daughter Cordy and her boyfriend Angie. He was very cute and sang songs about wanting to go to Detroit. I also found the oddities of the millionaire's mansion quite entertaining, such as the alligators that frightened the maid.
           The movie was made additionally funny when everyone in the car added their own commentary or tore it apart for any inconsistency or awkward line delivery by an actor. The nice thing about the drive in was that no one else could hear us when we did this. It was kept in the privacy of my car.
          After the movie, I drove the girls back to Ella's house for a sleepover. We got situated in her room and all sat down on her bed to play a round of bs. As Patty started dealing the cards, I decided now was as good a time as any to make my announcement about Jimmy.
       "So, guys, I have something exciting to tell you," I said, suddenly getting a little nervous.
      "What, Caroline?" Patty asked, "What is it?"
       "I've met a guy! A really nice one! We've been going on dates and he said he really liked me, and I like him. We might even go steady soon!" I exclaimed joyfully.
       "Oh," Patty squealed, "Who is it?"
       "Jimmy Romano. Wasn't he in your brother's class?" I asked her.
       Her excited expression faded into one that tried to hide blandness, "Oh yes, but they weren't really good friends or anything. I don't know Jimmy very well. He seems nice, he's just not, you know, the most popular or anything like that. Not that I think you would ever get to go with one of those guys..."
      "And why not?" I asked sharply, my tone a little harsher than I meant it to be, "Because they're all a bunch of drinkers and drug smokers?"
     "No, they're so nice. They always think so deeply and talk about philosophy as if they were old Greek men themselves. Their such polite, upstanding fellas," Patty said, almost dreamily.
       "If you want a polite upstanding fella look no further than Jimmy. The guys you're talking about are the most obnoxious, most nauseating  fakes I ever laid eyes on. And they're all going to the same college. I guess they'll go stink up a new town and take their marijuana smell with them," I scoffed.
       "I don't know what you're talking about," Patty laughed uneasily.
       "I'm not talking about your brother, Patty. But I am talking about your brother's stoner friends. It's a good thing he's leaving them for college. I'm proud of him and have high hopes for his future."
       "Frankie says that Jimmy's not that smart," Ella put in. "And Fred says that too."
       "Since when have you actually listened to them?" I scoffed.
       "You know they're top of their class," she mumbled.
        "Yeah, and Linda McAffee is top of ours and her head is clearly somewhere else," I tried to prove the point that the insufferable book smart people were not necessarily the most upstanding or truly intelligent humans.
        "Where?" Patty asked, confused, "Her head is on the changing world. The war on women that we need to win."
         "Don't you start too, Patty," I sighed, "I thought you knew better than that."
         "Well, Linda is really smart and clearly knows what she's talking about. I might even ask my mother about going on the pill. Perhaps you should too, Caroline, if you're going to be seeing some boy."
        "Patty, I have no need for the pill because I won't sleep with anyone! Why can't people understand that you don't need to have sex to have a relationship?" I asked, exasperated.
        "Well, now you can have sex because you won't get knocked up," Ella explained, "But that doesn't mean that you should, of course. Morality is still an issue."
       "See, Carrie, listen to Ella. She knows all about morality."
        "Now wait just a second!" I snapped, "I tell you guys I have a boyfriend, hoping maybe you'll be happy for me, and instead you try to school me on what you think is best because you two are so smart. So, if I had no spine and listened to you, I should go on the pill, which the Church still says is a big fat no, have sex with my idiot, unpopular boyfriend who you don't approve of, and liberate myself. But I should also listen to Ella about morality because she's such an expert, so in that case I should take the pill to liberate myself and therefore still violate the Church laws, and not have sex, therefore giving the pill no use. Alright. You two clearly have all the answers."
      "No, I don't have all the answers," Ella said innocently, her face forcing itself into a look of feigned humility. "I just know the wrong ones when I hear them, and I think you are misunderstanding what we're saying."
       "I didn't ask for a lesson in ethics," I said calmly, "I just wanted to announce what I thought was exciting news."
        "You see, that's the trouble," Patty said, "Exciting news is 'oh look a boy likes me!' What about 'oh look I'm a woman in the workforce' or 'oh look I got a scholarship' or 'oh look I am paving the way to my future'."
        This made me so angry, "Ok, fine, maybe it is a little stupid, but I am finally happy and I thought you two might be happy for me!"
        "I wouldn't say you're happy now, Caroline," Ella mumbled.
        "How 'bout you speak so I can hear you?" I snapped, "I'm sorry I don't sit outside all day, getting paid to get a tan! I'm sorry I don't jet off to New York to further my dance career! I'm sorry I don't get excited over boys who are all philosophical and sophisticated to adults faces and then go out the back of the church to smoke god knows what! I got a job in the malt shop! Is that more exciting than finally finding someone who listens to me and sees how I'm feeling?"
       "Caroline, it seems to me that you put far to much value in a man's approval. You ought to focus on relationships that matter, like your girl friendships," Patty said.
     "What girl friendships? No one at school likes me and I can't imagine why!" I cried, "I used to think I was well liked!"
       "You were! People really liked you in junior high! I think people still do like you well enough. I don't know where you get these outlandish ideas that no one likes you," Patty said sweetly.
       "No one invites me anywhere. I always have to do the inviting if I want to do anything fun," I explained, trying to collect my frustration.
       "Oh, well I have an idea," Ella said, "You used to be more positive and fun to be around. Then something happened and you weren't as positive as you once were."
        "This year has been holy hell. The last two or three years have been holy hell, and never once have I had girl friends to truly lean on when times got tough. You try being positive through that! Girls are always too preoccupied with themselves and their close friends. No one understands what has gone on lately, so I guess I was dumb to think you would start to understand now," I sighed.
    "Can we play cards now?" Patty asked. "God, you're so angry all the time."
    "I'm sorry," I said quietly. "I shouldn't have lost my temper. I didn't mean what I said. You're right, I am angry all the time." 
    "Carrie, I know things haven't been easy lately and I'm sorry that you've felt alone and grown bitter," Ella piped up. "I hope this boy isn't a dirtbag."
      "He's not, I promise," I smiled a little. "I just can't believe I just mouthed off so badly."
     "It's ok. Not everyone is good at keeping their emotions in check," Patty said.
       Then we played our card game. I thought it was interesting how symbolic it was to how we acted in real life. I never called anyone on their bs because I assumed they were telling the truth, and I never lied because I knew I was bad at it. They never hesitated to call bs on me because they thought I was always lying, but I never was. I felt bad About how I had lashed out. I hoped they forgave me, but I couldn't quite forgive them just yet for their lack of understanding and their arrogance in still thinking they were always in the right. That night I was awake long after they were asleep. Imagine that, because all school year they and all the other girls loved to brag about their sleep deprivation. I decided that if these girls were not going to understand me, and be frozen in their own, half baked ideals, it was ok. Maybe someday they would come around. Right now I didn't need them, because I had Jimmy. I was finally lucky enough to have someone who truly heard me and truly cared. Someone who would hold me under the meteors in the starry Indiana sky and make me feel loved and understood again. I didn't need the whole messed up world to listen. I just needed him.