Two tortured souls

Monsters.

Warning:Trigger

You walked along the rubble. Dead bodies littered the streets. You failed as an Avenger. You let everyone down. You let Bucky down. You felt something grab your foot and you look down to find a dying Bucky. You drop to your knees. "No no NO!" You scream. "You c-could have saved us I-it's your f-fault." He rasped with his blood covered lips. His eyes shut. This was your fault. "Y/n. Wake up!" Bucky screams as you thrash. Your eyes opened quickly. Tears stream down your cheek. "Shhhh it's ok doll." Bucky whispered. You grasped his shirt like your life depended on it. After you calmed down he asked "Is it anything you want to talk about?" "I-I failed I c-couldn't save anyone. I-I couldn't save you." You let out a sob. He got most of it. "Hey it was only a dream. I'm right here no one is going to hurt anyone else." You looked in yo his blue eyes. "Y-you promise." He gave a sad smile. "I promise." He got up to leave. "No please stay." You whimpered. "Of course doll."  He laid down beside you. You burry your face in to his chest. You slowly drifted off to sleep.

The next day was your mission. You messed up, bad. Everyone said it was ok and that there first mission wasn't smooth. "Y/n where are you going?" Steve asked. "To my room I'm pretty beat." You lied and added a smile. "Ok we are going out to eat in an hour." " 'm not hungry." You ran into the elevator. After you got to your floor you ran to your room and locked your door. Your phone was on your nightstand. You grabbed it and put in you earbuds. You played your favorite song. You ran in to Bucky's room and grabbed a blade. You started to cry. You had self-esteem issues your hole life even before you were taken by hydra. You weren't good enough to be an avengers or even a normal person. You were a machine. Unloved. Monster.An asset. You looked in the mirror. Before you could proses you punched it. Blood and shattered Glass was everywhere. You grabbed the blad and made your first cut. The cool metal blade glides across your s/t skin. Blood now dripped along your arm and wrist. After they stopped bleeding you pulled a hoodie over your head.  "Y/n are you hungry now." Tony asked. "No just came to be with the team." You put on a fake smile. You and Tony shot some insults at one another. "Truth or dare y/n?" Why did it always have to be Truth or dare. "Truth." You respond. "Is it true you were captured by hydra when you were 17?" "TONY." Steve snapped. "Calm down Steve." You take a big breath. "Yes it's true." Bucky gasped. "Why didn't you tell me." He started. "I have to go." "NO I WANT AN ANSWER!" He grabbed your wrist. You attempted to yank your hand back. You hissed in pain as you felt blood seep through your hoodie. Tears started streaming down your face. "TELL ME NOW!" He pulled his hand off as he felt a wet stickiness on his hand. a red stick substance. Blood. "Y/n Why is there blood?"  He asked tears brimming his blue
eyes. You ran to you room.
Bucky hates you. You think to your self. Bucky hates you. Bucky. Bucky. Bucky. Bucky. You grab the blade after locking your door. You were going to kill yourself. Not one. Not two. Not three. Not four. But five cuts litter each wrist. Not counting the ones from earlier. Blood oozed down. Darkness surrounded you.

Bucky ran to his room. No no no. He thought as he noticed one of his razor blade was gone. He bust down your door. He started crying.   
Y/n  wake up." He cried as he ran to doctor Banner.

Beep...Beep... Beep. No. I'm alive.  You open your eyes to see Bucky beside you crying. "No no no I'm still alive NO." You began pulling cords out of you body but Bucky stopped you. "Y/n I'm sorry for yelling at you. I-I." His voice cracked. "Never do that again. How do you think I felt seeing your blood on my hand?" You look at him. "I'm nothing I'm no one. No one would miss me I'm unlovable. You need to stop wasting your time on my pathetic life. You all would be better without me." Bucky's heart shattered. "Y/n you are not unloveable. Do you know how much it hurts me to here you say that. I-We all love you. You and Steve are my very best friends. Sure it sounds crazy since we've only known each other for a few days, But you are probably one of best people I know. You are smart, talented, kind and beautiful. I'm an idiot for yelling at you like that. God I'm so so sorry." Tears we're now streaming down both of your faces. "I'm sorry." You say. "I didn't think you'd care." You were now sitting up. His blue eyes were wide. His lips were slightly parted. He just slowly walked over and hugged you. You sobbed into his shoulder. Bruce walked in. "Your awake good. Hey buck can you go outside for a sec?" Bucky walked out to find the team waiting. Steve hugged him. "She didn't think I would care. She said she's unlovable." Steve smiled and pulled him away. "You love her?" Bucky blushed. "Maybe a little." Steve smirked. He was gonna get them together.
"Y/n I know what your going through." Bruce said. He rolled up his sleeves. "I hated hulk soon I hated myself. Blah blah blah Avengers helped me. I'm going to make sure you stay I'll help you Bucky and Steve will help you. We care. Tony even cares." You nodded and hugged Bruce "thank you" was all you said.