24 hours

hour 2

8:00 pm

i step out of the steamy paradise and sigh

twenty-three more hours

i walk over to the sink and look at the mirror

i wipe away steam so i can see my horrid appearance

why

why do i torture myself by looking at my repulsive nature

i break down in tears

as soon as i taste the salty liquid rushing from my eyes i stop

" stop crying, it's not worth it "

i grab my towel and wipe my damp body down

i put on some shorts and a tank and step out of the bathroom

i instantly feel like i've walked into an iceberg and i run past the poems and pictures, through the kitchen, and up the stairs

1

2

3

4

fourth of may, cell phone, family, friends

i run into my room and slam the door

i jump into bed and roll myself into a cocoon of blankets

i love the feeling when i'm so cold, the blankets hit me like a warming sauna

i take out my ipod and throw some earbuds into my ears and slink back into my pillows

i put my music on as loud as it can, to drown out all my thoughts and everything around me

i close my eyes and smile

i smile

knock knock

my smile fades quickly

my mothers knocking gets louder on the door and she opens it with a small thrust

she walks over and kisses me on the forehead

" goodnight, i love you " she says

how

how could someone love me

why

why does she love me

these questions run through my mind as she walks out of my room and closes the door

my mom is much more deserving of life than me

she's the only person i will miss in this world

she is beautiful

i am not

i don't deserve her love for i don't love her, i don't know how to love anymore

i take out my earbuds and walk to the window

i open the window and step out on the roof

the stars shine so bright and so beautifully

the little things like stars i will miss the most

i drift away into memories of looking out at the stars with my father

my father too hated this world

i miss him

but soon i will be with him

9:00 pm