24 hours

hour 3

9:00 pm

a little girl, about three years old, sits on her fathers lap

her father sings to her while playing guitar

"you are my sunshine

my only sunshine

you make me happy when skies are gray"

the song fades as the girl starts crying

her father hugs her tightly and sings in her ear

he shows so much love for this little girl

this little girl who could possibly

dropping out of school

becoming suicidal

hating him

become a murderer

or even

commit suicide

'ring ring!'

daggers, daggers in my ears

i woke up on my floor, my window still open, the stars still shining in a crack of light

i need a cigarette

i walk to the dresser under my tv and pull out a pack

shit

one left

i take my lighter and with a flick of my pointer finger the cigarette is filled with its power

i walk over to my window and climb onto my roof

cars go by

not many

i count them

1

2

3

4

fourth of may

i stop counting, i can't help but break down in tears

thinking i'll never see my mothers face again, i'll never turn fifteen, i'll never see the stars again

but i will see my father

and that's all that matters

i finish my cig and walk to the kitchen

hesitating to count the stairs

i run

i get to the stove and put it on high

then i get a kettle and put some water on it and place it on the stove

once i'm done i put the water, honey, and a tea bag in a mug and sit at the kitchen table

i hum the song the father sang to the girl while drinking my tea

my body feels calmer and more relaxed after the cig and tea

10:00 pm