Him

You stare at your phone
His name flashed across the top
Of the screen
And try to convince yourself that it is for the best

But it's not.

And he's gone just like that
And you don't know what to do
You miss
Him
But
He never loved you
He never cared
All he ever did was use you

But he did love me.

And you can't talk to anyone
Not your family not your friends
Not even your best friend
Or your closest sister
Who you always tell everything
Talk about everything
You can't talk about
Him
Because all they say is "He's not worth it"

But he was to me.

And you lay awake at night
Because all that happens when you close your eyes
Is
Him
And you just want to be free from
Him

But I don't.

And you wish on every 11:11
Every first star in the sky
Every birthday minute
You wish for
Him
Because he made you feel
Beautiful and
Important and
Special and
Alive
And you thought he felt the same
But he didn't

But he did.

And your friends don't care
Your mom doesn't care
Your sister doesn't even care
And it breaks your heart because
You just need to talk about
Him
Without somebody saying how it's for the
Best
Because he is just terrible

But he's not.

And you try
You really try
To tell somebody
Anybody
How you feel
Because he's gone
And you miss
Him
But no one cares because
He was never good enough anyway

But he always was to me.

And even if someone did try to listen
If someone did try to understand
What could you say to make them understand
How you are feeling
What words could ever describe the
Misery and
Pain and
Hurt and
Aching you feel with
Him
Gone
They would never understand you

But he did.

And you miss
Him
You miss his smell
You miss his smile
You miss his hand in yours
While you cuddle at the movie
You miss his laugh
You miss his jokes
You miss the way he snickers when you
Say something funny
You miss
Him
And you just want
Him
Back

But he's never coming back.

And he's with her now
And you hate that
You hate seeing them together
You hate seeing their happy faces
You hate seeing her with
Him
Their happy pictures
Their happy bios on Instagram
Their happy snapchats
The "I love you"s and the "You're beautiful"s
That were meant for you
That were always said to you

But not anymore.

And you wish you could yell
And scream
And shout
And kick
And tell him how much you love
Him
How much it tears you apart to see them together
How much you wish it was you in that picture
How much you wish it was you holding his hand
How much you wish it was you with
Him

But it's not.

But you can't tell him
Because when you see his happy face
Even though it's with her
He's still happy
And no matter how miserable you are without
Him
No matter how much you've cried because you don't have
Him
No matter how much pain you feel
No matter how torn your heart is
You cannot say anything because
You love
Him
And when you love someone
All you want is for them to be happy
And he is happy

But it's not with me.

But it doesn't matter because he's
Happy
And no matter how much you miss
Him
You realize that even if you somehow
Forced
Him
To come back to you
He would never be as happy with you

And all you want is for
Him
To be happy

And if that's with her
Then he's happy with her

You realize you can't disrupt their happiness
No matter how much you try to

And even if you succeeded
Even if somehow you convinced
Him
To come back to you
It would never be the same.

So.

You stare at your phone,
His name flashed across the top
Of the screen
And try to convince yourself that it is for the best.

Because it will be.