Letters of the Heart <3

A means to an end </3

Well, it's been so long since I posted anything on my account. But today, the one that I will post is different from the other letters.. It's something that I wrote a while ago. Hope you'll also feel the pain and sympathize with Abby. Enjoy reading!! :)

Christian,

Well for starters, this isn’t a hate letter or a make you feel bad letter. J I am writing this letter for the sake of my sanity and for the improvement of my heart. Don’t be surprised because you should know by now that writing really helps me in whatever condition I’m in. *smiles*

I am writing this letter because there are so many things that I need to tell you and so many things left unsaid that I felt like I should have told you, that I should have said, that I should have did, and whatever. :D

For one, let me tell you a secret. I really never thought the relationship would last. Though I was hoping it would and I was wishing we would surpassed my expectations. Pero ang galing ko yata at nahulaan ko ang future. *laughs*

SORRY-for all the wrong things I did, for all the wrong words I’ve said.. For not saying the right words at the right time, for not doing the right things at the right reason.. For making you feel like you’re an adult that should take care of a recalcitrant child. For not being patient.. I’m sorry for being not good enough for you. And I’m not being sarcastic huh? *smiles*

THANK YOU-for being my best friend, my brother, my father, my confidant, my knight in shining armour, my partner in crime, my shoulder to cry on, my clown, my shock absorber rolled into one. Salamat sa pagtitiis sa katigasan ng ulo ko, sa kakulitan ko, sa pagka-pasaway ko at sa pagka-berat ko. Thank you!! I know I am very hard to handle and you were able to tolerate me for how many months. In fairness ha? *laughs* Thank you not only for all the things that you have given me, but for making me feel special, for making me feel loved, for making me experience our own short version of infinity-that inseparable, limitless and boundless thing. J

I’LL MISS YOU-mamimiss ko ang kaberatan mo.. Ang kasungitan mo. Ang kaiklian ng pasensya mo. Yang volcanic temper mo. The way your eyes seem to also smile when you do. The way you laugh.. the way you talk animatedly with insurances, with things regarding securing your future animatedly like were talking about your favourite car. The way you see things.. Yang panenermon mo kapag makulit ako. Yang biglang pagiging dry mo kapag may di ka gusto. Yang panlalaki ng mata mo kunwari para takutin ako. I’ll miss our conversations. Our clash of opinions with some things.. Yang pang-iinis at pangungulit mo. Yang pag-ubos mo ng amoy ko na pakiramdam ko, naging kaugali ka na ni Tootsie. Hahaha!  Yung tipong parang ang bilis ng oras kapag kasama kita. Mamimiss ko ang pakikipanuod ko ng libreng movies. *laughs* I’ll miss the way everything feels right when you hold my hand.. The contentment and security that I feel every time your arms are wrapped around me.

Let me just clear things with you before I end this letter. If you’re asking if I’m mad at you.. I DON’T.. I WON’T.. I love you too much to feel those ill things towards you. And don’t ever think that it’s your fault, that you’re to blame because of what happened.. May kasalanan din ako. Before entering the relationship, I am aware of what might or might not happen. I made a choice, and it’s a choice na kailangan kong panindigan. J Yes, I am hurting. But I have always believed that it’s part of growing up.

And lastly, yes, we can be friends. But not now.. Pakiramdam ko, di pa kita kayang tingnan ng di ako naiiyak. Pakiramdam ko, di pa kita kayang makasama ng wala akong nararamdaman. So please give me time to heal.. to realize things.. to accept facts.. and to move on. I know you’ll never understand it kasi di mo pa naranasan, but matalino ko naman so intindihin mo na lang ah? *laughs*

I am not expecting a reply.. And I wouldn’t be happy either if you’ll say things to me regarding this letter. Pagkabasa mo nito, just read then delete. Tapos, kunwari wala kang na-receive. Hahaha!

I am hoping for your happiness. Sana makita mo na yung babaeng para sayo. Too bad that wasn’t me. But we all have our own soulmates. Our own destiny.. Hindi siguro ikaw yung para sakin at hindi rin ako yung para sayo. J

The letter is too long already so I’ll have to end it now. I love you, Mr. Christian R***r.. And no amount of pain will ever change that. Please bear that in mind. And no matter what you think, I have given you a piece of me no one ever had. Well I just gave you the best of me.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                               -Abby