The Holes in Your Armour

Brother...

Levi held onto the PS4 controller awkwardly, as if it was something he'd never seen before. His long, graceful fingers gripped the plastic in all the wrong places, making you chuckle. No wonder he couldn't get all the quick timed events in the game properly. The screen urged him to smash the circle button as the main character struggled with his opponent, know in the game as a deviant. Levi looked down quickly at the controller, taking his eyes off the screen, and taking several seconds to find the correct button. He pressed it once, then looked up eagerly at the screen. He frowned as his main character, dressed up in a nice navy blue suit jacket, was thrown to the floor. Levi's face turned sour and he plopped the controller on the carpet. He crossed his arms and gave you a look. You laughed, tilting your head back.

     "I no longer wish to play this foolish game." He seethed. You grabbed the controller and saved the game, smiling all the while.

     "You wanna try something simpler?" You asked. Levi just raised an eyebrow at you. He sat on the floor with legs and arms crossed, looking ever so much so like a sassy toddler.

     "Okay so... no Detriot Become Human..." you leaned over and rifled through your video game collection. "How about... Red Dead 2?" You held up the red game case, looking to Levi for approval. He was still giving you an emerald green deadpanned expression. If there was ever a resting bitch face competition, he could probably win.

     "Do not look to me for an answer. I do not know any of these games." He said simply. You shrugged and switched the disks.

》

Levi seemed to enjoy this game a bit more, but it still probably wasn't his favorite. He seemed to enjoy the more simpler things in life, like books and sunsets. Levi set down the controller when the system booted down, a look on his face you couldn't quite figure out, which was strange for you since you looked at his face quite often.

His eyes were downcast and narrowed, as if he were fuming with rage, but his eyebrows were creased in a way that indicated deep sorrow and lingering pain. His back was curved with his shoulders hunched. Levi's shoulders reached his ears. You knew it was risky to ask if he was okay, but you wanted to help. And besides, you were starting to get used to the cold shoulder he would give you when you prodded too far. So you asked anyways.

     "Are you okay, Levi?" Your face fell as he turned his head from you.

     "My brother would love mort-" Levi grimaced and clenched his fists in his lap. "He would love things like this." You bit your lip.

     "Do you wanna tell me about him?" You asked. You fiddled with your shirt, slightly nervous at Levi's tense form. You wondered if he was going to have another outburst like he did in the past.

     "Not really." He said quietly.

     "Oh okay, that's fine." You blurted. You didn't want to drag the situation out if he didn't want to talk about it. It was silent for a bit.

     "He's a large thunderous oaf," Levi said with a bittersweet smile. "And everybody loves him." Levi looked up at your once shattered window. "Even I." More silence. You didn't really know what to say, because you couldn't gauge Levi's emotion. Which made him unpredictable, which made it hard to take appropriate action. So you just sat together.

Lokis p.o.v.

     "Everybody loves him. Even people that don't know him." Loki said bitterly. Loki's throat closed up and his eyes started to sting. He gritted his teeth.

Look at how low he was. How much scum he had turned into. He was squirming like a worm in the dirt, and it nearly killed Loki to think he had fallen so low.

I'm a God!

Loki scolded himself.

You're a God! Now start acting like one, you sniveling quim!

Loki squared his shoulders and relaxed his hands in his lap. He took in a small whisper of breath, the tiniest of gasps, to try and expand his chest without (Y/n) noticing. He turned his head and started playing his part. Innocent. Sly. Kind of a prick.  Loki knew he was only two of those things.

     "He just kinda has that effect on people." Loki paused, his eyes flickering back to the dim t.v. screen. "I miss him." (Y/n) looked at him with clear (e/c) eyes. She looked sad.

     "Can you not go home?" She asked softly. Loki had the urge to shout and break something, to use his magic to destroy the room. Like he did in his cell in Asgard. When he found out he played a part in his mother's death.

His mother's death...

What help were you? In your cell?

Who put me there? WHO PUT ME THERE!?

Loki cocked his head, a tick of his he had developed when he got aggravated.

    "No." Loki said gently. "No, I cannot..." he didn't bother to look over at (Y/n). He knew he would see pity. And if he saw pity, he knew he would snap. Deep down he felt disgusted. Because deep down, he felt he did not deserve it. Deep down he knew he didn't deserve her kindness. Since when had he ever deserved kindness?

     "Well... this can be your new home for now." (Y/n) said. Her voice was strong, and confident. It shocked Loki.  Who could give their home to such as him? She doesn't know all that you've done...

     "Of course, I don't know for how long... you're probably going to have to get a job someday soon to pay for groceries and utilities... But if I get to know you more, I really wouldn't mind letting you stay here. Although I would have to find a place for you to stay..." (Y/n) held her face in her hand, pondering over how Loki would be able to stay in her home. Loki was still reeling. She hardly knew him! He'd been here for a week! "Maybe this could be the perfect opportunity to add on to the back patio! I've always wanted to renovate that. Maybe you're a sign." (Y/n) winked with a large grin, and Loki's nerves started to ease. His stomach still churned, making him queasy and his skin warm, but his thoughts slowed.

     "Thank you, (Y/n)." He said politely.  She blinked at the sound of her name from his lips, only hearing it a few times. Loki noticed her ears turning a darker shade of pink.

     "No problem!"

》

That night, Loki slept on the couch. He dreamed of his brother. He dreamed of the many times he broke his heart. Of the times they laughed, and played. Of all the times Thor gave him that look. That look of disappointment, and hurt. Of pity.

Loki dreamed of the light, which only made the dark contrast. He dreamed of the dark, which only made the light contrast. He dreamed of the grey, the confusing parts of the world that didn't seem to have any structure, or order. Chaos. The things he seemed to thrive in. The chaos didn't give him comfort tonight though. The chaos ripped him from his shell of anger, and tossed and battered him until he woke from his slumber.

Loki woke on the floor, tangled in blankets with tears streaming down his face. His head throbbed and was wet with blood. He must have banged his head on the coffee table on the way down. Loki collapsed back on the floor, and cried himself back to sleep. He cried Thor's name, shame eating him alive.

(Y/n) was sitting up in her bed. She couldn't sleep when he cried.