Cain And Abel - The First Children

Cain and Abel: Act 1

Inside a hut. A long ass time ago.

Cain - "Well I've had enough of this shit."

Wife/Sister - "What shit? I don't see any poop?"

Cain - "Not literal shit! I just mean I'm tired of everyone loving Abel."

Wife/Sister - "Why are you so jealous of him?"

Cain - "Well hmmm let me see, maybe because he is better looking, he is more muscular, all my sisters want to marry him, mom and dad love him, and oh yeah, God loves him! You know, the creator of the universe...Pretty valid reasons to be jealous wouldn't you say."

Wife/Sister - "Well come to think about it, he is pretty amazing... And rather dreamy." (Her gaze wanders as she gets lost in a fantasy.)

Cain - "Fuck you! He's not that amazing... I am just as amazing, if not more, and you have never said that I am dreamy."

Wife/Sister (under her breath)- "Well that is because you are just a nightmare."

Cain (steps toward her in a menacing fashion)- "What did you just say?"

Wife/Sister (nervous)- "Ummm....I didn't say anything...I was just yawning. Yeah that's it! I was just yawning."

Cain (steps closer until he is right at her face) - "Noooo--- you weren't yawning...You said something about a nightmare."

Wife/Sister - "Fine! You got me...I was just singing Taylor Swift, and you know how embarrassed I get when I sing in front of others...You know, the song, it goes like, cause darling I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream."

Cain - "Why would you randomly start singing Taylor Swift?"

Wife/Sister - "I mean, you said a word that reminded me of the lyrics to a song. Don't we all experience that phenomena? Where some word, some place, some thought, some person triggers a song that magically begins to play in your head and you cannot help but sing that song aloud?"

Cain - "I guess you're right...But darling hear my plea! Please, I need to vent, otherwise I may kill Abel."

Wife/Sister (throws her hands in the air in disbelief)- "Oh my gosh! I love you, but sometimes you are so overdramatic."

Cain (offended and crosses his arms) - "I am not overdramatic, nor am I under dramatic, I am the perfectly reasonable amount of dramatic. I studied drama in Hebrew school, I have an expertise at dramatic forms. Thus, I understand and have a vast knowledge of what constitutes as dramatic and this my wife slash sister, is the right amount of dramatic. So you were false in your assertion when you claimed that I was overdramatic because I am definitely not overdramatic. How about you read a book next time before you decide to wrongly criticize someone, so that way, the next time you won't appear so ignorant."

Wife/Sister - "See right there! That is what I am talking about! That whole speech was overly dramatic. It was...it was...It was so extra! Yeah extra! I will say extra from now on since you clearly hate when I call you overdramatic. I just find it annoying that you constantly have to make something bigger than what it is."

(Cain is not paying attention, he is daydreaming.)

Wife/Sister - "Ugh! You're so annoying! Why couldn't I have married Abel instead?"(Wife/Sister walks out of the hut.)

Cain(snaps back to reality) - "Wait honey come back!...Gosh! No one understands me! I give and I give and I give and what do I get in return for my generous giving, a shit sandwich...without any mayo! At least give me that God. Perhaps the mayo could lighten the taste of shit...Perhaps!?" (Cain walks out of the hut)