Cain And Abel - The First Children

Cain and Abel: Act 3

At the sacrificial ceremony.

God - "Welcome all! It is a pleasure to be here, I would be lying, which of course I do not do, if I was to say that I wasn't excited to see these sacrifices. So without further ado, bring out the sacrifices!!!"

(Everyone cheers)

(Cain walks out first holding a basket of unpleasing fruit and wheat)

Cain - "Hey God, how are you doing today?"

God - "Today? Days are nonexistent to me, I am not constrained by time Cain, therefore that sentence doesn't apply to me. But I do know everything, thus I know what you meant. And to answer your question, I am doing well, I am absolutely splendid. Thank you for asking my child. Now what have you brought me?"

Cain - "That is great to hear. Well God, I brought you every kind of fruit I have grown this year, plus one full bushel of delicious wheat."

God - "Cain that is very generous of you, please bring it here."

(Cain proudly approaches the altar)

God - "Set it down Cain, let me now inspect it."

(Cain sets down his sacrifice and takes a few steps back. A few moments pass before Cain eagerly asks.)

Cain - "So what do you think? Pretty great right?"

God - "Thank you Cain, you may step aside now."

Cain (slightly baffled) - "Oh...okay? I guess it's safe to presume that the sacrifice made you utterly speechless. You are very welcome my Lord." (Cain bows, and then steps aside)

God - "Abel may you please bring out your sacrifice."

(Abel walks toward the altar carrying Curly in his arms, his best companion and his most prized and fattest sheep.)

Abel (humbly)- "Hi there my Lord." (Abel bows his head)

God - "Hi there Abel. You may lift your head and continue to speak my son."

Abel (lifts his head) - "Thank you my Lord... Lord, I have brought you today the first of my flock, my most prized possession, the fattest of all my sheep, my best pal Curly."

Curly - "Baa!"

God - "Hi Curly. Abel may you please bring Curly closer and commence the sacrifice."

(Drums begin to be played by the others. The music intensifies as time passes.)

(Abel pulls out a knife from his satchel and lays Curly down on the stone altar. He then slices Curly's throat. Curly lets out a gurgle and a pathetic "Baa." As Curly is bleeding out and becoming lifeless, Abel then slices open Curly's chest, and continues to cut Curly open until he reaches the end of his abdomen. Curly's organs are exposed to God as they quickly become motionless.)

(Abel fights back the tears caused by having to sacrifice his best mate. The family holds each other in silence, sympathy, and anticipation of God's response.)

God - "Abel, you have sacrificed the best you have, you sacrificed not only what is dear to you, but you sacrificed what you loved most. You have shown prodigious faith by your tremendous sacrifice, trusting that you will be rewarded by your Lord, me. I must say I am absolutely pleased with you my son. I look upon you with great favor. You Abel, have offered the better of the sacrifices. Abel you are our victor, Cain you are the loser...Once again."

Cain(feelings of indignation)- "I brought you one of every fruit! I offered variety, I offered quantity."

God - "Yes, but you didn't offer quality. You gave what you could do without, what you didn't mind losing."

Cain - "Are you kidding me!? I love apples, I love papayas, and I love wheat! I MIND losing that! I have a big appetite and my wife has a big appetite, my nickname for her is the hungry hippo! And that isn't because she loves to swallow balls...Well she does love to swallow balls but that isn't the reason why I call her the hungry hippo. It is because she seems to swallow anything edible in sight. And since I was so generous in my sacrifice, offering large quantities of food, I now have limited the amount of food for me and my hungry hippo of a wife. Thus, I now have to work in the field for an extra hour! And I could do a lot with that extra hour! I could watch one whole episode of Downton Abbey with that hour, and I fucking love that show... How dare you criticize my sacrifice!"

God - "Cain!"

Cain (continuing his tirade) - "You wouldn't know a good sacrifice if it slapped you in your invisible face!" (Cain runs off)

Abel - "Cain! Wait!"(Abel begins to run after Cain but stops) "Thank you all for coming and most of all, thank you Lord for your love, mercy and many blessings."(Bows to God then runs after Cain.)