𝚒 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞

Ch. 6 ♡

You didn't mean to say "I love you"
I love you and I don't want to

I sighed and laid on the bed, we were gonna spend two nights in Dani's house- the adults actually trusted the teens to take care of themselves. The only good thing was that we each got our own rooms. I can finally think about what happened.

Just because she kissed me doesn't mean that she likes me, right? It was for a dare and we were all filled with adrenaline over Danielle's nude streak. We wanted something exciting for the night, right? Two girls kissing and nudity- fun!

I groaned and suffocated myself into my pillow for a bit. Why does it hurt? Am I overthinking? Like, thinking about River- it hurt me because I don't want to tell her that I like her, but I do! I love her. She's been in my mind since she's moved away and she's back- we kissed, we're bonding. Is this the Universe telling me something? I'm overthinking, definitely overthinking, setting expectations just so I can ruin it for myself.

I flipped over to charge my phone and turn on some sad, slow songs to help me fall asleep.

"I love you, River." Yeah right, those four words will never leave my head.

The next morning was chaotic- Dani tried to make pancakes but she left one on the pan for too long and smoke started to come out. I woke up from her cries for help, I think everyone did.

"You can't even cook a single pancake?" I took over for her instead while Jamie assisted in making eggs. Everyone else sat down in the living room, chatting. After cooking, we piled into Jack's car and headed out to do our own things- the couple wanted to go shopping with Javier, Dani had a shift, and River wanted to get dessert. I wasn't sure who to tag along with.

"Let's stop by that cake shop again! Their ice cream is great," River grabbed my wrist and pulled me forward. Well, I don't have much of a say in it, I'll just follow her.

It wasn't as awkward as I thought it was going to be, we ended up just talking about animals, working part-time jobs, and more about school. By the time we were done talking, Jack was waiting to pick us up to drive back to the house.

The parents were back, cooking another dinner and I headed straight from the patio so I could sit down in the shade. Time passed by, we ate and this time we got to take over the living room.

"A scary movie?" Dani asked us while Netflix loaded.

"Yeah, put on whatever," I said and sunk back into the couch. Minutes later, my eyes opened and the credit scene was rolling. Everyone was asleep too, but I couldn't find River. I looked through the windows and saw that she was alone, sitting down outside in the back.

I opened the door and approached her, "hey-"

"Christ- you trying to kill me?" River jumped and put her hand over her chest, "that scared me."

I couldn't help but laugh and took a seat next here. We sat in silence at first, as usual. It felt like the right moment to say it- just turn to her and say it. My fingernails started to dig into the cushion of the chair and my eyes darted back from the ground to the sky.

"What is it?" River looked over to me, "what's wrong?"

It was time- I'm going to say it, it doesn't matter what reaction will be received because it was killing me inside if I didn't. I'll say it! Say it, Monique!

"River-" I turned over to her, still my nails digging into the cushion, "I- I love you."

She furrowed her eyes brows, a confused expression smeared across her face, "w-what?"

"I love you," I repeated, "ever since you've left. I didn't realize that until you did- you are the first and only person I've had a crush on you and I know that I'm in love you because you haven't left my head since then. I can't stop thinking about you or having these butterflies when we're together. I-"

River didn't say anything or give any further reaction. I hoped for something but as I look at her, she was emotionless. Instead she got up from her seat and back inside to her room.

I scoffed and stared at the floor, my eyes started to water and I started to cry into my hands. There was a need to let it out- guilt? relief? Maybe both, I just felt like I needed to cry it out.