𝚒 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞

Ch. 7 ♡

Up all night on another red eye
I wish we never learned to fly

It's been two weeks since that night, my mom started to ask why I started to stay in my room more often and where River was. As usual, I ignored her and told her to leave me alone, telling her that I was on my period.

Sometimes I would cry into my pillow because I filled my head with lies- telling myself how stupid I was, making myself feel insecure and doubtful. Other nights I opened my bedroom window door because it led to the roof, the cold breeze would help me calm down and think. I would try to talk to myself into being happy, but we all that it doesn't work. It doesn't work unless someone else tells you it.

Often I would wish that River could call me or stop by because I was too afraid to myself, yet either of us weren't obligated to do so such a thing. She was leaving soon because it was already the beginning of July- her family planned a trip to Los Angeles before going back to Tampa, Florida.

If this is how things ended between us, I wouldn't be surprise. I would be more sad, heartbroken, maybe this might even impede my future, but I could deal with it. I wanted to tell her, it was a choice I made and these are the consequences that must be dealt with.

"Honey," My mom's voice entered the room. She had a concern look before taking a seat on my bed, next to me. I was huddled in the corner, in a little ball of despair.

"Tell me what's wrong, I know it's something with you and River."

Uncontrollably, I started to cry again- my eyes started to burn which made me cry even more. They were probably red and swollen by now, it didn't help that I haven't eaten a proper meal or water the past week.

She scooted closer to me, started hugging me and rubbing my back. I waited to calm down a little before talking because my voice might have been raspy.

"I-I told R-River that I love her," my crying voice said. It was embarrassing to talk like this, but it's my mom I'm talking to, "I've been in love with her since middle school and even when she left. I told her and she just walked away."

My mom sighed and pulled the side of my face to her chest, she could never understand how I felt, but she felt my pain.

"Monique, I know you and River. You two on inseparable- like soul sisters, have you heard about that? She does love you, just in a different way," that part made me cry harder, "one day you're gonna meet someone that's not her. You'll marry that someone and you're gonna be happy- it won't be River, but you'll fall in love again."

Her t-shirt was drenched in my tears and salvia, I started to feel sorry for her, but her words wanted to make me sob for eternity, "it hurts so much-"

"-It's okay," were the only two words that she could say right now. As if I was a little girl again, my mom held me until I fell asleep in her arms.