billie eilish imagines <3

6/18/18

(preference)
you and billie are VERY close (not like that you dirty bitch)
meaning whenever shes not touring your all over each other (stop thinking like that)
so you guys have specific days where she clears her schedule and you clear yours and you guys are just each others for the day. but today, specifically, is a very hard day for the both of you. its officially one year since X died and you guys did not take his death... in the best of ways.
you see, you and billie met thru x and when his memorial happened you found her in the bathroom having a panic attack over the situation. so, you hugged her and whispered sweet nothings in her ear to help calm her down, even though you were doing to well yourself, so you guys cried in each others arms to get through the excruciating pain you guys were dealing with at the time.
at the moment your going through another depression phase... billie knows you have severe depression and also knows that it can affect you any day and any time. lets just say it wasnt the best of days.
currently your swallowed by the millions of blankets that you put in the music room blasting X's music while sobbing yours eyes out.
"baby... i know it hurts." billie said as her voice cracked
"w-why h-him baby WHY HIM" you screamed while sobbing
your eyes were bloodshot read, your nose was extremely red, and stomach was starting to cramp from all of the aggressive crying you've been doing.
billie maneuvered her way under the mountain of blankets and grabbed you so that there was no more space between you guys as you cried and screamed into her arms and she cried with you and whispered in your ears how much she loved you and how jah would be proud of you guys.
after a few hours you managed to stopped crying and she did too.
" i love you so much billie..." you said as the tears started welling up in your eyes.
" and you dont know how much you really mean to me. thank you so so much for dealing with me and loving me no matter what even with my crybab-" and the waterworks started once again for the millionth time.
" its ok mamas and with everyday that we are together i love you more and more... you found me while i was at my worst baby. the day you sat there on the dirty bathroom floor and held me was the day i went through so much. and i thank you for that. you push me when i dont wanna be pushed, you love me when i feel no one does, you are light that shines when im surrounded by darkness and i know this sounds cringy as fuck but its true mamas and i love you more than you could ever know." she managed to get out.
"can you hold me?... please."
she said no words and held you so tight and you held her like she was the last person on earth and for the rest of the night you guys cried and held each other while listening to X's music because thats all you could do.
" i love you billie."
" and i love you y/n"

whew i know this was sad but thats how i feel. i miss him so much and some how some way i managed to cry for a record time of 6 hours. how? i have no idea. does my phone have water damage? i would be concerned if it didnt. did you guys see how bil broke down during "i love you" tonight. i personally think she shouldn't have had a show today but whatever. i hope shes ok and hope you guys are ok because the bitch writing this definitely not.
peace out whores.
peaches 💅🏽