Hamartia [Peter Parker]

Chapter 7 - Recovery Road?

A/n: Bold italics are thoughts!!

The words leave Peter's lips and the skeleton that's been with him at rock bottom, keeping him chained in the darkness is shrieking and burning, retreating to the furthest parts of Peter's mind as the light finally breaks through. His words open this hole for Shiloh and against everything, despite everything, she's the light.

She's bright, shearing with clarity and she is the one thing, the one person this skeleton has been afraid of because with her comes light. With her comes safety and love and care and everything this skeleton has kept from Peter, convincing him he's not good enough for, not worth it. This light is leaving that skeleton to cower away, shriveling in its pain, finally experiencing the pain it's caused Peter.

But, with this new found light, this new opening comes an unbelievable vulnerability. Peter's laid it out in front of her and he's never felt more exposed. He wants with everything in his body to close the hole, stitch it up, plaster it, anything to bring the skeleton back, bring his safety net of darkness back. But, the light is shining brighter than it has in so long, paralyzing Peter. He can't just run. He can't close the hole. He let the light in on his own accord, no take backs.

"What do you mean?" Shiloh asks as her body slowly turns to face him. Her once cold expression has turned into one of fear, surely she isn't understanding

Peter looks down and he could go and go about how he's fallen and he's been beaten and cut a hundred times and he's got the scars and wounds and dates to track it all. But that would just be him rambling and if he rambles he might freak out or he might close up. Maybe he'll say he's lying about all of this just to get her to stay. Maybe he'll tell her to fuck off. Peter could tell her what he thinks happened and why. But, if he opens his mouth, he might shut down. So, he doesn't speak, he gets up.

It's a struggle to get up with the bullet wound in his side and the aches and pains of his entire body. His face contorts and he winces and groans, his arms shaking as he grips the back of the couch for leverage, eyes squeezed shut to try and mask some of the pain. Warm hands touch his arm, gripping him hard to help get him to his feet. Peter opens his eyes, pausing for a second to look up to Shiloh as she steadies her grip on his biceps. He diverts his eyes and starts pulling himself up with the help of Shiloh.

She takes a few steps back from Peter once he's on his feet and she has another view of the front of his body. She might have cleaned up the blood and dirt and whatever else covered his body but it's different when he's standing upright. The bruises and cuts expand a little bit with Peter's new stance. Everything just seems bigger and worse with him standing and Peter can feel it, feel her heart on the verge of breaking for him as she studies his torso. And he knows it's only going to get worse when he turns around.

Peter sucks in a ragged breath and it's hard for him to start turning around, feeling so naked despite having the bottom of his suit still on. He's been like this in front of her before, he's been in nothing but his boxers plenty of times but he's exposing himself to her in a way he didn't think he would. Being injured in front of her is normal, it comes with the territory but this is different. She'll feel pity and likely guilt when she sees the sight and she'll be disappointed. Shiloh is going to be disappointed and Peter doesn't want to be judged by anyone, especially her. But, he turns anyway, allowing himself to be up for scrutiny. Because he chose change.