words from a mind that is only cracked.

θρυμματίζω

romeo and juliet's tragedy could never compare
to that of orpheus and eurydice.
why?
how?
because orpheus was so close to the light.
he was so close to salvation.
but he doubted.
orpheus doubted.
i doubted.
and he watched her fade away again.
and i watched her fade away again.
when he finally had control.
when i finally had control.

and the ares in my brain screams to fight
but hera begs i stay.
so i freeze.
because i do not know
which god is real.
neither, i now realize.
neither of them were real.

she's my achilles heel,
the one thing
that could lead me to a calamitous defeat.
crashing,
burning,
like icarus with his wax wings.
she makes me i wish i'd never flown.

aphrodite lays on the train tracks, because beauty is a burden.
hephaestus lays beside her because ugliness is a curse.
and even persephone wilts
because she doesn't know
what side she is on
and she doesn't know what she wants
or who she is
or why she's here.

i am like sisyphus
if he were in love with his boulder.
for i push and push
and give her everything
but she drives herself down
every time we reach the top.
and my curse
is that i may not leave her.
we are bound
like psyche and eros.
oh, but here comes the punchline:
i was not beautiful
because she did not want me to be.
i was a monster
because that is what she said was reality.

and maybe it all works out in the end for them,
but this is not a myth.
we are not gods.
we will not live forever.
this?
this is real.
and i'm laughing and crying in the middle of a gravel road
because her and i
are every mythical travesty
come to life.