words from a mind that is only cracked.

the way i miss you

i crucify myself with loneliness.
i never stop thinking about you long enough to breathe.
you're so close to me but you're worlds away and every second you drift further and another part of me turns to stone.
i can see, hear, smell you but i can't feel you.
where are you?
come back to me.
come touch me and run your hands through my hair and laugh because everything is okay when we're together.
nobody is dying. when we're together, the world isn't ending.
come back, fix my broken world again.
i wake up again in the middle of the night and crave you next to me.
i go upstairs, grab a glass of water and wish i were grabbing two.
i return to my bedroom and avoid looking at the rumpled blankets because i'm expecting you to be lying there, waiting for me to come envelope you in my embrace again. i lay down in the twin sized bed that feels too big because every bed feels too big when I'm alone.
i whisper your name before i shut my eyes again, just to feel it on my my tongue.
i wake up and suddenly i am climbing back in bed.
the day has passed but it's like an exhausted blink.
everything i do is mechanical, subconscious.
there is no life in me.
and so the cycle resumes.

i dream of you, think of you, ache for you, repeat.