words from a mind that is only cracked.

To be Young

i can still close my eyes and see those youthful nights in my head.
we sat on the edge of the hot tub and took shots of silver rum out of paper dixie cups.
our skin tingled and our minds softened and everything made us laugh.
we danced and rutted up against each other and sang off-key and made out in the hammock in the backyard.
after, we'd go back out to the patio and dance some more, poison coursing through our veins,
but we didn't care because we were young, ignorant, blind, and full of love that we didn't know what to do with.
we slept in class and came to school smelling like pot and laundry detergent, a cheap layer of cologne if we were feeling ambitious. we didn't turn in our homework and we flipped off teachers when their backs were turned. we laughed when we failed a test because the thought of having a future was alien to us.
at night, we climbed through each other's windows to hold each other in bed and watch the smoke flow from our lips and dance through the air. and when it finally got too cold, we fucked; long, fast, and hard.
and it felt good, but it didn't feel right.

and the bottle spins and spins and your heartbeat pounds in your ears until it lands on your next mistake and your lips are locked with the devil again, but this time with different eyes, different lips, a different body. it's still the same sin, though. exactly the same.

why are we so empty now? why do we continue to chase a satisfaction we will never achieve? we fill the hole with thrill instead of happiness and wonder why we're still so hollow.

it must be obvious to you, right?