minds

part 16

Anger filled inside side of me as he said that. I know that he would let things hurt me, he would hurt me. He already did hurt me, that's why I'm in this mess.

I pushed him off of me, roughly. "Shut up." I say.

He furrows his eyebrows at me, "what?"

"How can you say that when you hurt me?" I say standing up.

"What do you mean?" He says, standing up as well.

"At the party you're so nice to me, and then just at school you're texting your cousin. One minute you're so nice then the other you hate me." I say.

"I dont hate you clem." He says, getting close to me but stepping back.

"Bullshit, everyone does." I says, knowing that it's the damn truth.

"You dont know what its like living a life like this joey. Everyone loves you, you have it all. All I get is this shitty life." I added.

"My parents argue all the time and it comes to the point where I cant fucking sleep at night. My mom, yeah she just left for a week and so did my dad, leaving me alone for a week." I say, about to add more.

"You have this perfect life, with perfect friends, and perfect family." I say, crying my eyes out. "I never get to have any of that because I fuck it all up. It's always me, I'm always messing everything up with my dumbass."

I sat there, on the couch, crying until I couldnt breathe. It's like i just puked up everything I ate for the past 3 days.

"My life isn't perfect, clementine. Nobodys life is." He says, sitting next to me.

"I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like a failure all the time." I say, wiping my cheeks to get the tears off.

"You're not a failure." He says, trying to tear me up.

I sighed and looked down. When I looked back up at joey he had concern in his eyes. "Can you just leave me alone?"

"You sure?" He asks.

"I just want to be alone, okay?" I say, hoping he would just leave already.

"Okay." He says, getting up from the couch.

I watched him walk out and shut the door. I saw him walk down to his car and dive off through the window.

Knowing that hes gone, I went upstairs to the bathroom.

I looked at myself in the mirror, looking at all of my flaws.

[ t r i g g e r  w a r n i n g!]

Why do I look like this, I thought to myself. Why am I like this, why do have to be like this? The thoughts ran through my mind like song lyrics.

I opened the bathroom drawer and got out a shaving razor. Breaking the razor, I got out the sharp piece.

I held it in my hands and looked at it. I saw how the bathroom light shined on it, making a light reflection.

I looked in the mirror and sighed as I pulled up my sleeve.

With my hand shaking uncontrollably, I put the sharp part of the razor over the skin of my arm.

Closing my eyes and getting ready for the pain that was about to come on me, I dragged the razor against my skin.

I felt a sharp, painful feeling as I saw the blood oozing out, know that I just did this.

"fuck."I whispered to myself, feeling the painful stinging.

I held my arm and put my back against the wall, sliding down it slowly.

I started to cry again out of pain, with all the blood from my cut arm all over me.

I laid on the flood, looking up at the light and how it shined on me.

I felt myself getting sleepy, as if I didn't sleep all night.

I looked at my bloody arm then back at the ceiling, closing my eyes.

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I know that this isn't the kind of stuff I write, but I just want to tell you, all of you, that hurting yourself is not okay. If you or a loved one that you know is hurting yourself, please get help.

I wrote something like this when I first got wattpad and I was seriously depressed. It was to the point where I didnt even want to live anymore. It makes me so mad when people like to "pretend" or "thinks its cute" to be depressed just to get attention.

When you're depressed, you dont want attention, you dont brag about it and say "oh I'm depressed" to use it as an excuse. You literally dont care about anything, you don't care about your grades, your life, your health, even yourself. It is not something to joke about at all!

I never hurt myself but I know people who have and it's not okay, this is a serious thing. I get therapy and it helps me a lot with the struggles in my life.

Please do not hurt yourself, or purposely put yourself in harm's way. Try to find help, talk to a trusted adult because it will help a lot!

Just know that if any of you needs someone to talk to, Im here, always.